Thunder by Boys like Girls

On the whole when I hear this song, I picture my eighth-grade culmination party. I had just been gifted an iPod touch by my family. Everyone pitched in, even underage siblings. I downloaded this video before we left. And I walked around my party, listening to it and waiting. Waiting for the current love of my life, my thunder to show up. And he never showed!

But in a decade, it’s so much more than that.

Today is a winding road
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, woah

Life never goes as I want. Walking down a street I don’t want to be on. On a day I don’t want to be upright, to live. To live a life, I don’t want to exist.

Today in the blink of an eye
I'm holding on to something and I do not know why I tried

Why did I try this time? Why did I try last night? Why didn’t I try when it mattered?

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation; what I’m feeling inside
I gotta find a way out

Maybe there's a way out

I’m always looking for a way out. Looking for a way out of relationships with others. Looking for a way of out a relationship with myself. Looking for a way out of life.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

Do you know you're unlike any other?

You'll always be my thunder, and I said

Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors

I don't wanna ever love another

You'll always be my thunder

So bring on the rain

And bring on the thunder

That summer before eighth grade, my love’s eyes were the “brightest of any color”. In my memories, they still are.

Today is a winding road

Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know

Today I'm on my own

I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone, I don't know

Is there a better lyrical representation of depression?

And now I'm itching for the tall grass

And longing for the breeze

I need to step outside, just to see if I can breathe

I gotta find a way out

Maybe there’s a way out

I just want to feel again. I’ve been struggling to breathe since I was three. But the times that I’ve been able to, make me able to push on.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

Do you know you're unlike any other?

You'll always be my thunder, and I said

Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors

I don't wanna ever love another

You'll always be my thunder

So bring on the rain

And bring on the thunder 

My first nanny charge was the highlight of my summer. He gave it sound and he gave it color.

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope

I'm wrapped up in vines

I think I'll make it out but you just gotta give me time

Strike me down with lightning

Let me feel you in my veins

I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

No matter what, I’ll always make it out. For 3 year old me. For my 3 year old. For Blue, Emerald, Indigo, Grey. For aunt. For my mom.

I rarely acknowledge it but I feel your pain. I'll try to valid it more.

Today is a winding road

That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, woah

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

Do you know you're unlike any other?

You'll always be my thunder, and I said

Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors

I don't wanna ever love another

You'll always be my thunder

Spring was just another time to me. In between my least favorite seasons, winter and summer. Basically my favorite for not being the fall I was born into, winter I lost my mom, or summer I lost my dreams. One spring gave such meaning that I fell back in love with summer. And this new love is greater than the love I felt before eighth-grade summer.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

Do you know you're unlike any other?

You'll always be my thunder

So bring on the rain

And listen to the thunder

His voice powers the thunder of my heart.