It's a new calendar year. It's my 20th year.*
But it doesn't feel like it. It doesn't feel new nor do I feel older. I feel the same as I did when I was 10.
My therapist thinks I stopped progressing when my mom died. I understood that to mean I stopped hitting my age accomplishments at age 8. And that is a fair analysis. However, I've been missing my age marks much longer than that. 3 year old Purple Owl wouldn’t be surprised that 19 year old her doesn't behave like an 19 year old.
I don't: go to school, have a license, have a job, or go out at night.
And I'm fine with it.
But I shouldn't be fine with it.
I know that logically. It puts me at war with myself. I want to be treated my age but first I've got to start acting it.
I'm going to spend this year hitting the age marks I've missed.
* I'm 19 but this is my 20th winter. You experience all seasons before you turn 1 year old.
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