tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9744110766718747482024-03-05T15:10:34.806-08:00Lost in My MindPurple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.comBlogger130125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-64014395447533738912024-01-15T09:33:00.000-08:002024-01-15T09:33:21.758-08:002024 Me<p>I had a life before 2023. Problem was it was a reactive life. I did the things I was expected to do in the circumstances I was given.</p><p><br /></p><p>I never looker for things I wanted. I di things with passion because I know no other way to be. But that still wasn't being me.</p><p><br /></p><p>58 life experiences:</p><p>1995: being born into a hellhole</p><p>1996: intermittent hearing - home with mommy</p><p>1997: shelter</p><p>1998: best friends: Jehovah, Mommy, and 4 year old</p><p>1999: first time a friend moved on without me.</p><p>Wanting to die.</p><p>2000: Speech and being hated by kindergarten teacher. Throwing up on after school teacher. Sticking a paper clip in an outlet to make a key and escape day care.</p><p>2001: misremembered but 9/11 changed the world.</p><p>2002: sick mommy</p><p>Teacher made me pee my pants.</p><p>2003: sick/dying mommy</p><p>2004: lose mommy. No longer allowed to miss two fifths to half of the school year. Felt i was no longer someone's precious child. I was no longer beloved.</p><p>2005: coasting through existence. Start of puberty.</p><p>2006: Last Graduation.</p><p>Baptism</p><p>2007: just existing - starting to go from disliking everything to hating everything.</p><p>2008: wanted aunt to stop existing. Missed my brother's bed. Want to but have no way to kill myself. First therapy appointment went horribly and I refused to go back.</p><p>2009: falling in love and mourning him at my graduation party - watched Thunder music video at least 10 times during party on brand new iPad touch. Didn't realize I was looking at bikinis as much as swimsuits.</p><p>2010: being basically out for my first season at 14. Not being treated like a kid, or even a minor, any more. Only menent - my guardian didn't care that my 18 year old sister was out past midnight but wanted to know where the 14 year old was. Only curfew in my life. Last semblance of caregivers love.</p><p>2011: existing. Being scolded everywhere. Self published book. Struggling with school.</p><p>2012: struggling to care anymore. Therapy.</p><p>2013: Graduation - didn't go.</p><p>3 months in Oklahoma.</p><p>2014: pioneering. Again with the scolding but having now been told we weren't family but roommates.</p><p>2015: college. Finally making more than $200-$400 in a work month.</p><p>2016: kicker out of family, house, and state. Had to finish school to leave. May - Feb 2017 hell. </p><p>2017: train move to OKC. Brother drove keto train. I waited for a real apology. I knew I was still kicked out but something. Something about ages 3-20. The last 9 months had been eggshells.</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>OKC and work.</p><p>2018: weird exploitative friendships. Convincing people to give me attention. But not needing them at the same time. Wanted to appear normal to those back home.</p><p>Nephew moved.</p><p>2019: bestie moved in. And I'm deeply sorry for being selfish in why she mover.</p><p>2020: went insane. First attempt.</p><p>2021: still insane. Second attempt.</p><p>2022: hell if I know. But I do know. It was everything 3-15 year old me knew was coming one day: sexual assault, relationship betrayal, suicide attempts (I was only supposed to have one in life. Ever. And it was supposed to work. Goddammit.), homelessness.</p><p><br /></p><p>2023 was how 2020 started out. I was unapologetically living. The universe had shown 7 times it rejected my wish to die. That I had to survive. Nay, live. Nay, thrive.</p><p><br /></p><p>January - longest time out of mental hospital in 4 months</p><p>February - writing</p><p>March - agoraphobia</p><p>April - focus</p><p>May - music</p><p>June - job and Pride</p><p>July - exploring</p><p>August - bittersweet</p><p>September- back to basic surviving</p><p>October - did it happen?</p><p>November - existing</p><p>December - resting to thrive again next year</p><p><br /></p><p>I had my first happy birthday song September 2022. I had my first party Sept 2023. I edited everything I've ever written, publishing 12 works.</p><p><br /></p><p>I fought for my right to be heard. I've always loved to talk. As soon as my mommy got my hearing worked out, I heard my family say they regretted me learning speech.</p><p><br /></p><p>But I never had people understand.</p><p><br /></p><p>Maybe it's not kids knowing they are trans by 5 or gay. But knowing thy are different by 5. I wanted to be normal. By 10, I wanted off this ride.</p><p><br /></p><p>This is what I'm counting as my first rotation around the sun.</p><p><br /></p><p>So happy 15 months of consciousness, beautiful child! Surround yourself with people who know how to forgive and actually say sorry.</p><p><br /></p><p>And always, always take accountability for your choices. Never choose what others want you to. Again.</p><p><br /></p><p>-</p><p>KenJin Rin Thom</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-29861195579166606722023-12-02T14:30:00.000-08:002023-12-02T14:30:15.414-08:00First Podcast for Rin Jin Brown<p>Posted 10/18/23</p><p><br /></p><p>Recorded a few months before</p><p><br /></p><p>I had been looking for a show to watch so there’s a bit of rambling about what I was watching. Heartstopper season 2 and started Young Royals.</p><p><br /></p><p>Y’all, Y’all. I’m in some (redacted). I love me right? I thought at the beginning of this year, I did not need a partner ever again. And then I kinda dated a guy. It was a thing. Then I kinda had a partner. Like 6 of them. I can’t think.</p><p><br /></p><p>Redacted</p><p>Redacted</p><p>Redacted</p><p><br /></p><p>I could deal. I like me! I like hanging out with me. I like going around town with me. I like sleeping.</p><p><br /></p><p>No, I don’t. That’s a lie. I have very bad dreams. They’re awkward and creepy. And stick with me forever.</p><p><br /></p><p>I had a dream that my friend’s mom had died of cancer. Probably because my mom had died of cancer.</p><p><br /></p><p>Her daughter had just gotten married. And she was like “be my daughter.” And I was like “No!” But I kinda like pretended, because I’m a liar! (odd voice)</p><p><br /></p><p>I just kinda let her be. Let her do her weird things. People tried to force adopt me a lot and I never thought it was chill. But I don’t know. How do you tell maternal people that you don’t need a mom?</p><p><br /></p><p>That you have three. You have a dead mom. Who was still very much alive and don’t steal her place because you’ll never compare to her.</p><p><br /></p><p>You had an aunt who sucked but was still there. Kinda</p><p><br /></p><p>You had a brother who was teased about being your second mom. Before your actual second mom came, your aunt.</p><p><br /></p><p>So then, don’t force me to accept me as my mother.</p><p><br /></p><p>But I had a dream that lasted a year and a half. That’s not the longest. I’ve had ones that lasted 7 to 9 years.</p><p><br /></p><p>But it was a long one and she was slowly dying of cancer. She was getting sick. Losing her hair.</p><p><br /></p><p>I don’t think my mom lost her hair until like the last month of her life.</p><p><br /></p><p>But she (the mom in my dream) started losing her hair. And then like her funeral. I don’t think I dreamt of her funeral. But her husband came to meeting and I gave him a big hug and was like “how ARE you?” after she died.</p><p><br /></p><p>Um, so then I woke up. And someone mentioned them like that day or the next day. I had the dream like Monday or Tuesday. I saw her on Thursday and I almost cried. Like it would have been so weird if I just started balling at the hall. Like she was not died. In my head, she was sooo dead.</p><p><br /></p><p>And I’ve had a lot of dreams. Really, really abusive, horrible dreams. And I’m like this is not real, is it? And after I wake up for like 5 or 10 minutes, I’m like “is that real? Is that my life? Is that the situation I’m in?” </p><p><br /></p><p>And it’s really, really overwhelming and really scary. And I have had to straight up tell people “like can we talk? Because I had a bad dream and I just wanted to make sure we’re alright.”</p><p><br /></p><p>So yeah, I do not like sleep.</p><p><br /></p><p>But in very weak stages of my life, I’ve survived hell. Multiple times. Pause. Multiple times.</p><p><br /></p><p>Redacted for someone who has BPD. Like sometimes I wonder if I even have BPD and then something like this happens. And like last time an FP left me. Well, they didn’t leave me. I left them actually. But anyway.</p><p><br /></p><p>I was inpatient in the mental hospital. And there was this kid, like 20 and he just felt so comfortable. And this was after (redacted but probably a count of how many hospitals I’d been in that year). And I was just not (redacted, comfortable?) and I had my year plan. And I had attempted a couple times at this point. For the year. And I just, long pause. I just couldn’t. Exist.</p><p><br /></p><p>And there was this girl and we were friends. And she was real chill. And then like I think I slept all day the day she left. And I didn’t get to say goodbye. And that really hurt. So then like that same day or the next day he came. And (redacted). It energized me. He was real chill. I don’t know if I felt this like immediately. I don’t know if this thing has a feeling. But he’s never been kissed. He’s never been sexual. And after my assaults. It was just very nice to be in masc company without being vulnerable. Or I could be vulnerable without being a victim. And we just talked and like (redacted).</p><p><br /></p><p>I think it was my second week there. Or like it was my second week but my second or third time being in the facility. In a couple months. Okay, so this is just going to be a story time. Because it’s like 7 minutes in and there’s a lot more to say.</p><p><br /></p><p>But um, I. I met him on Thursday. And I made the mistake (playing Marry, Kiss, Kill, which is a great game to play inpatient. It is a great game because it never ends. And I think the main rule should be don’t talk about the people there. You can go back so many years and there’s so many celebrities. Thousands.).</p><p><br /></p><p>So tell me why this douchebag who had the audacity to tell me. He was like “humor is great when you are depressed. Like I am the funniest person at this table. And I have the most trauma.” And I was like “excuse me sir. Excuse me.” </p><p><br /></p><p>Why are we rating people’s trauma? I don’t think he should have said that. I don’t compare my own trauma to other ones of my traumas. Don’t you dare compare my trauma. You don’t know anything about my story. You don’t compare it to her. You don’t compare it to them. No. Don’t. No.</p><p><br /></p><p>So like I was really upset. And I was like. Like in my head, the number one reason, not saying anything, I’m comparing my own traumas again and I shouldn’t. But he was there because he was depressed. LONG pause. Several seconds. A minute. A minute and a half.</p><p><br /></p><p>Um, depression sucks. I think, Bipolar type 2, BPD, and chronic depression. I don’t know if they still say I have chronic depression because of the other ones. But if I also have chronic depression with those two things. It means that some people with BPD and Bipolar have mania, full mania.</p><p><br /></p><p>It means that people either have full mania, or I call it contentment for Bipolar type 2. It’s not as intense as Bipolar type 1. But maybe I don’t know. Maybe I just have really chill Bipolar type 2. BPD is intense emotions. You’re 100 everything. You’re 100 scared, 100 happy, 100 sad, you’re 100.</p><p><br /></p><p>If I have BPD, Bipolar 2 and chronic depression, that means compared to people who have (redacted), I am even more often depressed. My happy state (I hate the word happy. I don’t like the word happy. I use content.), my content state is still depressed. I can be content, and then like if I just died right now or tomorrow. If I just didn’t wake up, whatever. Depression sucks!</p><p><br /></p><p>But having been inpatient like 16 times now, no like 13. Having been inpatient 13 times, the time when I was depressed. My first inpatient stay in 2019 when I was depressed. Vs at that point I had had 5 attempts. In my life, 5 attempts in less than 3 years. I’d been assaulted, I’d been in toxic relationships.</p><p><br /></p><p>Yes he is 8 years older than me. Yes he was a soldier. Yes, he learned how to drink his own pee. Does not matter. To rank depression and then say like he’s the most depressed person at the table. My depressed stay and my 5 times tried to kill myself stay were completely different.</p><p><br /></p><p>There were times when I (redacted) for no reason other than life was hell. And he was like “I killed people.” and I’m like “I tried to kill the most important person in my entire life. Have you done that yet?” And again, maybe his trauma is bigger than mine. Maybe he’s the worst off person in the entire planet. Which I don’t believe in. I think in your entire life, you’ve probably been the most depressed person in the world. BPD is intense emotions all the time. You’re 100.”</p><p><br /></p><p>Anyway he hinted at it so much for the next day that the kid figured out.</p><p><br /></p><p>Spectrum. There are 8 billion people on the planet. You have either been bottom 4 billion or top 4 billion. It’s just. That’s how life is. So no one has the right to say that they are the most anything. Ever. the most of you ever in your life. Sure. But don’t compare yourself to a single other person.</p><p><br /></p><p>Anyway, this guy has the audacity to ask, who in the room out of all the guys, ignoring the fact that I’m pan and ace, who out of all the guys in the room, would I want to fuck.</p><p><br /></p><p>And my stupid brain said this kid. I was not attracted to him. I was not attracted to anyone in that room. But because of my assaults, I knew that he would not do that. That he would be…. I almost said lover. Ew. I don’t even want to think of him in that term. And I didn’t mean to. It was just. It was just…. me being blunt. I’m always blunt. And I always answer and I shouldn’t always answer. And I tell the truth. But, even though I’m a pathological liar. I’m not a pathological liar. That’s like an actual disorder. But I’m such a liar. And then I tell the truth. And I don’t understand why.</p><p><br /></p><p>Sometimes I can tell the truth. And sometimes I can lie. And I can’t do it at the times I actually need to.</p><p><br /></p><p>I should have just been like “you. What are you going to do about it?”</p><p><br /></p><p>So then he hinted at it for the next day and a half so much that the kid figured out. And then I had to have a sitdown moment by myself Friday night and be like why do I want to be around him. Like I was like, like I said I’d been asleep the last 5 or 6 days. For like 17 hours a day. I was missing all my meals. I was only waking up for my meds. They had taken away my morning meds which probably didn’t help. I’d been on all my medication for 3 or 4 years. Like my meds know me. My body knows my meds. So they took away my morning med. And there was no reason for me to wake up for breakfast. There was no reason for me to wake up for lunch.</p><p><br /></p><p>Um, I was eating like 200 calories. I was very lethargic. I was madly depressed. I was still suicidal. I don’t like groups at that place.</p><p><br /></p><p>So yeah, I basically had no reason to wake up. This kid, I swear, I woke up for breakfast the day after meeting him. I was, I was aware. He put up with so much shit from me. And if I ever meet him again, I want to apologize.</p><p><br /></p><p>So the guy who asked me, he spent the time humming the wedding march.</p><p><br /></p><p>I was bothering him so much but he was a sweetheart and putting up with it. And I think it was a little distracting him from his situation. I held back so many times, so many times. And I would do something stupid and bug him.</p><p><br /></p><p>I think, I think we had dominos and I took one and kept aiming it at his stomach. It was sooo weird. I was a child again. And like, he was just so endearing the whole time and he put up with me.</p><p><br /></p><p>Um, but on Friday I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. I didn’t want him think that there this person 7 years older than him creeping on him, like I want to …. I wasn’t even thinking like that.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I tried to explain to him what a BPD person’s FP is. Favorite person. And like that’s even scarier probably. At least everyone’s used to lewd ideas about them. y’know?</p><p><br /></p><p>But being like “you are making and breaking my life right now”. Maybe that was a bit intense. And he didn’t fully understand it and that’s fine. (11/26/23 - if I was ever to be inpatient with another fp, I would not explain it. It’s too much to put on a fellow person who is suffering.)</p><p><br /></p><p>Um, but it was just so sad because I knew I was going to Griffin. I had been at one hospital for 2 weeks. They let me leave while I was feeling suicidal. I had been to emergency care, I’d been to my own mental health place. Um, they sent me back. This was like my third time at this facility. And I knew I was going to intensive care because everywhere is barely 2 weeks. And so it takes 3-6 weeks for your medications to settle. And they were messing with mine.</p><p><br /></p><p>Anyway, um, last year was hell. I was homeless. I’m still technically homeless because I’m not on the lease (as of 11./26/23 STILL not on the lease). And so, every single doctor had this opinion that I was risking my life for shelter. Which is kinda fair.</p><p><br /></p><p>I um, no. I had this suicide pact with myself, this suicide plan for 18 months regardless of, before I became homeless. So I probably would have been attempting all those times without this. Being homeless wasn’t helping. I had also been assaulted. I hadn’t been in therapy. And a bunch of other things. And I’m still not in therapy (as of 11/26/23 I’ve been in therapy almost 4 months.)</p><p><br /></p><p>They, they decided that I was taking up other people’s space. Basically that my life wasn’t as important as other people’s. And I was not ….. Pause….. I’m feeling sad right now. And I’m very ADHD because I’ve had like 7 topics and haven’t explained why I’m talking about this. But.</p><p><br /></p><p>I was so lost.</p><p><br /></p><p>And he was this breathe of fresh air.</p><p><br /></p><p>And I could just forget. About everything that I had been through.</p><p><br /></p><p>And just act.. … like a stupid 9 year old boy.</p><p><br /></p><p>Sorry boys. But you know the whole stereotypical boy with a crush.</p><p><br /></p><p>I guess I had a squish. Idk. There’s a lot of terms. But it wasn’t romantic and it wasn’t sexual.</p><p><br /></p><p>But I just.</p><p><br /></p><p>I just needed him.</p><p><br /></p><p>And he had to put up with me needing him.</p><p><br /></p><p>And I was going to this hospital possibly for months. Until I could find housing.</p><p><br /></p><p>So it wasn’t as intense, it was as (redated) as the girl before him. (11/26/23 untrue.)</p><p><br /></p><p>I-I just processed y’know, someone leaving me. Someone that I had latched on to in a matter of minutes, hours, days. And so.. I could do this again. He could leave.</p><p><br /></p><p>And I knew he was leaving. He, poor child, his story was so sad. And I feel so bad for bugging him.</p><p><br /></p><p>I guess that’s my top symptom of mental health issues. Being unable to stop myself from bugging him.</p><p><br /></p><p>If I, if I----excuse me. If he cursed me out, if I realized I was not making his life enjoyable. He was laughing, he was smiling. He was blushing a bit. But if I really thought I was making an issue, I would have stopped. I would have gone and laid down in bed and just like frozen. And I don’t think I did that;</p><p><br /></p><p>If he ever hears from me again, it will be “Thank you so much and can I give you a hug?”</p><p><br /></p><p>But he um, I didn’t want to see him Monday morning (that doesn’t sound right. Or possible), oh that’s what I was saying.</p><p><br /></p><p>He had a reason to be there. He had attempted. It was very dangerous. And do I think he should have got out as soon as he got out, no.</p><p><br /></p><p>But it had nothing to do with me. It wasn’t because I wanted him to be in my life. It’s just that I was worried about him.</p><p><br /></p><p>But Monday morning, he got there Thursday night, Monday morning they um, it was not quite morning. No, it was. It was Monday morning at like 11 and everyone was going back to see their teams. My team meeting was boring because they were like this is your third time here. There’s no reason for you to be here. Well there is a reason. But like we’re just trying to make the system work. We’re trying to get you to this long term hospital.</p><p><br /></p><p>Mental health in America. Mental health anywhere. Mental health struggles. Mental health life.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I didn’t really care about being with him. I wasn’t expecting many people to go home since it was Monday. I wasn’t epecting anyone who came after Wednesday to go home. Because they generally wait the full 72 hours to 108 hours to release. They came on Thursday night so Friday was the only day that counted. Saturday and Sunday don’t count because the mental health team isn’t there.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I wasn’t expecting anyone to go home. I wasn’t expecting to go anywhere. Um, I was just expecting to continue our week and have Tuesday. So one of my friends, my female friend, was having a moment and I let her go to the women’s side. And as she was leaving the boys said to go check on her. I said I was going to give her a few more moments. She had just gotten done with a phone call. And I guess it went bad.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I went and talked to her. And saw what was going on. And I guess in that time, the boys, the men had gone to see their teams. So they were getting ready for lunch. And we were the popular table. Almost every time I’ve stayed I’ve ended up at the popular table. Just like 2 times I left at times. And then the other time I didn’t like the popular table and waited for a few people to leave before I joined.</p><p><br /></p><p>I call it the popular table because one time we combined 3 tables to sit like 10 or 11 people. Half the unit. At one point a couple women took the tea and grabbed all of us cups for lunch. And Mr. Letter called out “put that back. Cool table stop.” And I was like yassss! We are in school again. </p><p><br /></p><p>But when I had been in school, I didn’t go to public high school, we never had a real popular group. Middle was like 10 people that everyone I knew, knew. And elementary was 6. But somehow I talked to everyone in elementary because I was the mediator and would fix everyone’s relationships the rare times that I went to school.</p><p><br /></p><p>I hated it at school. I hated home. I hated life.</p><p><br /></p><p>Being a part of the popular table for inpatient is kinda like oddly rewarding because I’m popular for talking about my illness and being so chill.</p><p><br /></p><p>The most scared I’ve been inpatient was when someone had a seizure and they were totally treating it wrong. I was shouting “turn him on his back” but they wouldn’t let me close enough to do it. I was like “I have cpr training.” These techs are supposed to have cpr training but they aren’t doing the right things. And it was barely when the ambulance came that, like 3 minutes into his seizure, they did that. I was like “he is going to die. And I can’t be here when he dies.”</p><p><br /></p><p>Anyway. Way to make someone’s death about me. But we’re centric people. Yeah, it’s a terrible thing to say but it’s a realistic thing.</p><p><br /></p><p>And people ask me how I stay so chill despite like yelling and takedowns to sedate people. I say “we are here because we want to die. What is the worst this person is going to do? Kill me? Is that a bad thing? I don’t get it. What are you so scared about?”</p><p><br /></p><p>Anyway, I’m morbid.</p><p><br /></p><p>So we were the popular table during this kid’s visit, or stay. You don’t visit inpatient, you get stuck there.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I came back and the girl was washing her face or something. And I feel so bad because she was a sweetheart and gave me her number but I lost it. She even wanted me to live with her. But I couldn’t really be there for her. It would help me but not her. So I feel like I ghosted her.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I walked to the boys side and called over the line “why’d you leave the popular table?” And they were walking behind me and I could hear them talking. So the soldier was like “you have to tell her.” and the kid asked “how?” and the guy was like “rip it off like a bandaid.” The kid told the guy that he had to tell his girl. So soldier had openly been flirting with the girl I had gone to talk to. Um, so we sit down and I was …. I don’t know if I asked them or if I was just pretending to be in my own little world. I was definitely like 60% just in my own little world. So I wasn’t pretending. Um, pause. </p><p><br /></p><p>Basically they had both seen their mental health team and the guy was like “I’m leaving Tuesday.” I said “I’m happy for you.” Basically I’m happy for me because I don’t have to put up with him much more. I’m such an asshole. Laughs. I’m such a nice asshole. Um, I’m so nice all that time that I get shocked when I’m an asshole. I’m like why can’t I do this all the time. Just be a savage. And be that bitch.</p><p><br /></p><p>But then my kid. My kid? Was like “I’m leaving today at 3.” And I’m sitting there and I’m like “Okay.” happy voice. And they were like “aren’t you bugging?” Like they both looked at me wide eyed. And the kid looked a little hurt, I swear. And they were like “he’s like your favorite person. And I was like it’s funny you should use that word.</p><p><br /></p><p>I was like “there was a girl here before you and when she left I dealed. So someone else will come and I’ll deal again.”</p><p><br /></p><p>And they were like just so shell shocked. Like I kept moving to sit next to him. And they were like “how are you dealing with this?” And I was like “there are 8 billion people in the world. I will find someone. That’s how I’m dealing with this.”</p><p><br /></p><p>Um, it’s like 11:30. I have like 3.5 hours to prepare to say goodbye to this person. Like I can mentally say goodbye and whatever. And we’d already exchanged numbers. Which he didn’t have his memorized, very apropos to his personality. It was either perfect that he doesn’t have it memorized or that he would automatically lie about having it memorized. He didn’t have any social media. He was like I have like 4 friends. He for sure never wanted to talk to any of us ever again. So it could have been either way.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I gave him my Facebook. And phone number and both have changed since.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I was mentally preparing for goodbyes as lunch came. And as lunch came, they called me for Griffin. And I was like okay. And they were like stand up and get your things we’re leaving in 15 minutes. And I was like “oh!”</p><p><br /></p><p>I’d already said bye to everyone. And they were like rushing me out. But I was making sure I had everything. It was just so whirlwind.</p><p><br /></p><p>I hadn’t even been outside in like days. I had two people carrying my stuff. Two people walking me over. I hadn’t been alone in even longer than that. The last time I was alone, I tried to kill myself. So they sat me down and told me to wait for the doctor. And I had THE worst withdrawals of my entire life….. pause….. Pause. Worse than having a seizure from medication withdrawals. Worse than having a second seizure from my overdose withdrawals. Worse than passing out in my bathroom with less than 48 hours withdrawals. Well, I didn’t pass out but I like fell to the floor at 2am and yelled for my siblings to take me to the hospital. Worse withdrawals of my entire life.</p><p><br /></p><p>I felt like someone had taken my heart and squeezed all the blood out. And it hurt. A lot. I was like what is wrong with me? I feel worse than when my mom died. How is this possible?</p><p><br /></p><p>And it was because he was my FP. I’d never felt that way before. I haven’t felt that way since. It was really scary. I was like how can a person do that to you? I never want this to happen again.</p><p><br /></p><p>And then my doctor accused me of lying about having BPD. About having Bipolar. And told me that no one has the memory of being 3 and looking out their fence at daycare and wanting a car to stop on the sidewalk as they crawled out the gate, through the ivy, pause, and get kidnapped, raped, and killed. No one. That could not be possible. Out of 8 billion people. And how many people in history? And that could not. be. possible.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I must have been lying. Because I was homeless and I needed somewhere to stay. And she didn’t know I was going through the worst withdrawal of my life. And I was angry. And I never lashed out. I lashed out like twice in my life, like really lashed out. Just before that when I was in the hospital and a nurse said, he misspoke and said that what was an IV when I got to the hospital wasn’t an IV. But what he meant was that it wasn’t a viable IV anymore. That it was a dead line. But I thought he was saying it was impossible and he did not trust that I was suicidial enough to rip the IV off my person. And he was like “how dare you take life saving medicine that other people are begging for and treat it like this”. And I was like “give it to them then.” I thought that was the most ridiculous statement. Like do you know that I tried to kill myself less than 24 hours ago. Do you think I care about life saving medicine?</p><p><br /></p><p>Don’t bullshit with a suicidal person. Don’t be logical. They aren’t logical. They are irrational.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I lashed out at him. And I lashed out at this doctor. This doctor that was supposed to decide if I get life saving care. Or sent to the street. After trying to kill myself 5 times in 3 years.</p><p><br /></p><p>And she told me I was lying.</p><p><br /></p><p>Pause</p><p><br /></p><p>And I told her I did not care. I would go into the street and kill myself right now. I will not make mistakes this time. I am here for help. I’m asking you for help and you’re being a jerk. And she sent me out.</p><p><br /></p><p>And I pinched myself so hard I drew blood. (12/2/23 I hadn’t done that in over a decade. And I still have the scar 12 months later.)</p><p><br /></p><p>Oh, and she told me my two rapes weren’t rapes. That I had consented. Even though I hadn’t consented. Because I didn’t verbalize my no. Like the denim. The reason we wear denim once a year. Her pants were so tight. That she must have helped take them off. So she consented. A woman doctor had the nerve to look me in the eye and tell me this.</p><p><br /></p><p>And I pinched. And I pinched. And I drew blood.</p><p><br /></p><p>I didn’t want to die. I wanted to live. I wanted to find my new FP. I wanted to become my own FP.</p><p><br /></p><p>I wanted to live to spite her. And I didn’t care if she sent me out in 5 minutes. I didn’t care if I had to go down the street again. I didn’t care if I got raped a million more times.</p><p><br /></p><p>I wanted to live to spite her.</p><p><br /></p><p>And it was the most I felt like I could spontaneously die. Just with how much pain I was going through. Physically. Emotionally. And mentally.</p><p><br /></p><p>And I don’t really remember how I got on this tangent. I was just saying I wasn’t having the best week. Because my current FP is out of town.</p><p><br /></p><p>And moving.</p><p><br /></p><p>And I’m having a hard time processing it.</p><p><br /></p><p>But if anything I have reminded myself how much I have been through. How much I have survived. How much I shouldn’t be alive. And how much I want to see tomorrow.</p><p><br /></p><p>And I probably don’t have time to record my shows. My alarm went off 13 minutes ago to take my meds. Redacted and I have work.</p><p><br /></p><p>Live long and prosper. Peace and long life.</p><p><br /></p><p>May your needs. The needs of the one. Outweigh the needs of the few. Or the many.</p><div><br /></div>Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-15278538545568035532023-10-24T06:51:00.002-07:002023-10-24T06:51:06.747-07:00May 19 and 21 2023<p> <span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Recorded 10/18/23</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-cb4cc758-7fff-5ba6-26e1-302338070e50"><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So I deleted the first video before I decided what I wanted to do here. This recapping my videos for writing from May. Omgosh. It is October. This was months ago. This is a project in time. Um, so. May 19, 2023. It is currently the 18th October 2023. So I am going to hopefully put this up today. And it will be the first. Well not today because I literally just put up a video. Or an um, podcast yesterday, well not it is posting today. So not today. Um, it says,</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Who wants to go to a concert with me becuase I do this every single concert. (referring to loud screaming and singing). You about to find out.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Badly sings Jonas Brothers’ song.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Laughing at audio of my bad singing.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Redacted brown eyes looking into his soul.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“I am so ready for this. And I have not written any of this. Okay so it is Friday. I know I didn’t write anything the week that I went to see my best friend. Because that was a bad week. I’ve only spent a week writing this story. I’m on three weeks into this month and I don’t know if I’m going to write any next week. I hope I do. I’m supposed to be writing daily. At least one of my three stories. MMhmmm.” Laughs</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“No 5 stories. Ugh, 6 stories. I’m supposed to start JEB next week (referring to picking back up A Beta’s Pride.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“So opposite his higher pitch for his greeting in Thai. Does anyone else notice that when Thai speakers speak. This is dirty for me to be typing while reading. (referring to scene being typed. most likely smut.) I don’t know much about women speakers. But male. AMAB when they speak English versus Thai, English is a little bit deeper. I don’t know… Maybe, well, I’m basing it off like three people so I know it’s not common. I don’t know that much. But I feel like a lot of Asian languages are just a little bit higher pitched.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I think there is actual science there. But I’m not going to get into it. I’m just typing at whatever time of night, oh, no day. It was daytime</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“I wonder how many words I’ve typed this month. I think I can double it next month.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I’m probably still doubling times and like I really shouldn’t. It’s alright if I don’t write all the words I want in a month. I’ve got plenty of months.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Reacting to myself screaming Nick Jonas. “I was appreciating Nick as much as I was praising Joe the other time. But I was in love with Kevin first, so like…”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Singing along to Jealous.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Followed by screams.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“I am like DYING for Nick Jonas. Omigod.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Ohmygosh this chapter’s over. I need to post chapter 2. I should have posted that before I started singing. Now I need to post like 3 chapters. Yay!” (sarcastic)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Why do you keep spending money on him at all? I guess it’s like your welcome present but (redacted) (Ubi) isn’t poor. I mean… yeah, that’s his name for now.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I think I actually said Uea, his original name.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Reacts to Lovebug by Jonas Brothers. Audio of 2019 concert.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“This song like changed my life. I don’t know who I was in love with at this point. I was only ever in love with well, him. But I fancied myself (odd voice) in love with a lot of different people. But I want to say I had just… stop.. Actual guy I was in love with.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“We’re going to call him… (stares off) Jonas (not just because I was listening to JB, but this is a solid perfect play on his actual name. And I can’t believe it took me like forever, many, many years to get there.) Um, then I switched to R, then I switched back to Jonas, then I switched to R, then I switched back to Jonas, then I switched to T and then I switched to… so yeah.” Gets sad. “So I think I fancied myself in love with R when that song came out. (redacted) but I was surprised to be in love with someone else.” (other than Jonas)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">What song? Lovebug. I’m talking about Lovebug. Omigod.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Badly singing Before He Cheats. Wonders why I didn’t cut the video of me messing up</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“I guess I’m being honest. .. Working with a fourth of what I was promised. Anyway,”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Getting back to Hamilton because we always get back to Hamilton.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Bunch of bad singing later.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Okay when everyone sees all of Andrew’s nicknames I’m going to say it was normal when his name was Edward.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Page count on VAULT - 23 pages</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I think VAULT is still at like 36 pages. I haven’t been writing it.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“I need to write what day I typed that.” (After 2 months off writing, I still struggle with this).</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And I wrote that (about writing the date) like a month ago (by 10/18/25) and I still struggle. I’m trying to write the date I write stuff and I’m still struggling.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Caught up on VAULT. How many words is VAULT?”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"> 4,(redacted). I can’t believe haven’t written anything in over a week.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I give up on writing sometimes.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">As Is</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Trying to figure out how many chapters each girl has. “I’m very symmetrical about this story. I don’t know why.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Okay the first chapter was 1,875. The next chapter was 2,656. Chapter 3 is 1,154.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Singing “5,500 (oh, no that was not the rhythm I wanted. That was, what’s it called. Seasons of Love) words typed today.” That’s the thing that I did.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“What is my alarm situation? Oh, I didn’t wash dishes today. Oh, I didn’t do Enby, Enby RiffRaff. Where is Enby RiffRaff? Well I’m doing Purple now. Which is going to take me longer than the 20 minutes it was supposed to. Enby RR will be 12:30pm. This one is supposed to be 11:50. That is in 20 minutes. That’s not going to happen.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I’m glad I stopped, well I have no time to put a bunch of alarms on what to do in the morning. I need to wake up earlier to get stuff done before work. But as of right now, I’m kinda just fine with waking up to go to work at 10.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Reacting to video of monster. “They are ripping up magazines. JW magazines. That’s hilarious.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“I need to do dishes in 30 minutes when I finish. What am I supposed to do next?”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“My baby had rolls for days.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Just typing while watching videos.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Making throw up noises at my family’s names lol</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Laughing at baby noises as I type</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Watching a video of a 1.5 year old playing with my 1 year old. I don’t know how 5 adults missed the child hit my child.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Okay, I think we’re starting to get into. No, I’m not on the video I have the audio for yet.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Me recording a bunch of videos on the train out to OKC in 2017</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Surprised to find I had video of my baby learning to walk. Yesss!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">That’s how I react to children falling. “Are you okay? Yeah, you’rer okay.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">My place is the backseat with him</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I would totally be on time if I hadn’t done those songs. I recorded songs. But I don’t think I have video of that so I don’t know why I did that.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Hey you don’t break out of your carseat.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Playing with the seatbelt. That seatbelt is really loose and shouldn’t be like that. (The baby was playing with their seatbelt and the seatbelt shouldn’t be like that) Always check your seatbelts babes. They can get bigger, they can move sometimes. Just keep it right and keep it tight.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Timer goes off. I’m supposed to be doing me hair? No thank you. I’m supposed to read a bit later. Yeah right, timer.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Wow I’m being so helpful to myself.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Them watching football. They love football. I’ll post a picture of them in their football onesie. It’s sooooo cute</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">No one can talk with the baby around.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Winter is heck. Winter is heck in California and I’m preparing for Oklahoma.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">That was avideo I recorded as a teena- or no young adult.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I can’t believe this took 40 minutes to type. I think it’s taking longer to type than it did to write.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">They love the rain now. They love the rain. I told them this morning it was raining. They got up and jumped on the couch to watch.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">That’s on May 19th, 2023. They’re adorable.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Yeah. That was ridiculous. That took 47 minutes to type. But only 20 minutes to write. Was I really typing that whole time? My wrist hurts from the height.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">105 problems. A 103 problems on the other one. (That’s about Grammarly) And 20 pages. How many words? Word count is 5,212. So my word count for today is about 14,000. Well, not really not just today.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Bye</span></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So that’s the end of my first video ever. That I ever took.</span></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">We’re going to get into the second video.</span></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">5-21-23</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Okay so I didn’t write anything like recently. (Oh, I know where I put the videos of me singing. I think I put them on Instagram. Or maybe YouTube. I’m not sure.) I updated my typing Friday and I don’t have any more typing of Purple or VAULT. (Coughs horrible. ‘Cuse me.) </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">(So Purple and VAULT. I started in May. I was supposed to write a little bit every day. Then I was supposed to write a little bit every other day. Then I was supposed to write every third day. I literally just haven’t written. Like I think I’ve written some Purple. I’m researching VAULT right now with microbiology. I’m getting a lot of inspiration for a lot of jokes and really smutty scenes. But like I don’t think I’m going to hit 15,000 words before the end of the year. Like maybe but I really don’t think it’s likely because I’m focusing on other stories to finish out.) </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So I’ll do those today. And maybe type today. I’ll write in the morning and type at night. I know I’m supposed to write those two. But those are at 8 and 9 o’clock and it’s 6 in the morning. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So I’m going to get started on the others I was supposed to type like AISHB and I don’t think I’m supposed to work on SING. I’m supposed to type Aii, AISHB, and Enby RR. I’m supposed to post EtJ. (Redacted. I don’t know what I said there). I’m supposed to clean my phone. That’s going to take forever.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So this video shouldn’t be over an hour. I don’t know how long those stories are going to take.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I’m going to have to move my stories to different emails. Cause this is too many stories for one email (10-17-23 update - still not done.) (As of yesterday when I was typing up this transcript, no, I still haven’t done this.)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I can’t always find the stories I want.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I can’t wait to show the monster the videos of them.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I don’t want to have to copy. What will I do to copy 54 pages?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">(I don’t know what that means.)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">This is one of my favorite concerts. Well, I don’t know. I shouldn’t compare. Deep voice king.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Ranting about Miraculous Ladybug.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Oh, look it’s my cult singing.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Me freaking out about Josh Turner’s voice on Everything is Fine</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Ok I’mn going to find that.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Paused and looked. Didn’t find.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Okay well. I don’t know where that is.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But I’m going to play a snippet of Long Black Train because I love that one too. Okay, this is very difficult to do.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Okay so I’m at 5 pages of the transcript.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Singing along to Long Black Train (I know Josh means it as a warning. But I want on the Long Black Train. That is my father with a holy name.) The train can come for me. It’s fine, Josh. You’re Christian. I don’t know what I am.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Singing to Time is Love</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Okay this is a fun little bit. It’s basically the rest of the episode.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It got a little steamy. Little? (what story is this about?) Fine a lot. He topped me (Enby RR)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Talking about Time is Love</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Measuring time in kisses is kinda funny to me. Like I don’t want to talk to you. Do you know how many kisses I could have gotten by now? I’m missing out on? I don’t want to talk to you.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Condoms? I ask. As in plural</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">That’s back to Ney.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Grant’s face falls.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I’ll be done with this notebook on the 5th. (Was I done with this notebook on the 5th? I hope I was.) I can put it in the closet. Do you know how good it feels to put notebooks in the closet? I haven’t done it yet. That’s how good it feels.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Grant laughs again. Twice on a page. I hate when I do that.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Well, he’s been sexually active 5 years longer than me. So his stamina is on a different level.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Comparing Grant to his own fucking boyfriend. Ney!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I don’t know what this has to do with anything. Ney!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I just finished a whole pack of Hawaiian rolls by myself and I’m a little worried (that was in a video I recorded and like yes!)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I’m glad that Josh has a partner. And has a little hometown girl. And these songs are from different points of view. And there’s a lot of point of views. And there’s a lot of different songs. One minute is this point of view. Then this other one. And then another point of view.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But Josh needs a little hometown girl. I’m not a little hometown girl. Will I get any Joshs in my life? What Josh will be alright with me not being a little hometown girl? I don’t need any Joshs in my life. Josh is a bad name. I don’t like any of the Joshs I knew. That’s, that’s not true. I had a child named Josh. They were awesome. I’ve known 2 Joshs and I’m basing all the Joshes on that one Josh.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But Josh Turner. Where do I get a Josh Turner like country boy? Without being a hometown girl? Because I am not going riding. I am not doing any of it. I’m not.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I put on Rise and Shine nail polish for that line for that concert. (It was such pretty nail polish)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I am so bad about letting my nail polish chip.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I forgot I had Taki last night. I was like why are my nails this color. Oh.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Are people awake? No one is supposed to be awake.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Let’s see what we have so far. (Enby RR)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Well, he’s been having sex 5 years longer than me so his stamina is on a different level.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Hmm. I think Namsoon and Heungoo switch.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">(Knock on my door. Well, I’ll be finsihing this episode in a bit.)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">(That was not my therapist like I thought. It was the groceries I forgot I ordered yesterday. I’m so forgetful. Omigosh.)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Babe what?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“No. Woobin totally tops.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Isn’t shipping real people a little (a bit and I can’t say that word), strange?”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">That was a mish mash of Ney and me talking.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“I don’t ship Lee Jong Suk and Woobin.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Oh, I’ve been writing Woobin but I call him Woob and so does Grant.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Then why didn’t you say Heungsoo tops?”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Oh just me in the hospital missing my kdramas, writing all about them.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“All I see when I look at him is Woobie.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“You’ve nicknamed a Korean guy you’re never going to meet.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Grant gasps.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Take that back.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Then I just die of laughter. It says:</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Laughter upon laughter.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Okay. You’re totally going to meet him one day at a fanmeet.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“And he’ll take one look at me and say ‘Screw girls’.” Laughing while typing. “I’ll be like, ‘not the right term for a nice hook up’. And he’ll say, ‘no. no more girls for me. Let’s run away together’.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And then I just go on for like 11 lines.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Hey, I don’t have any fantasies like this. Okay, well I have one. I have one fantasy like this. A couple. Two celebrities. But not really. Not like Grant. Grant is like if “I meet this man he will fall in love with me”. It’s a little facetious (Grant is a little facetious). But I honestly don’t think I would actually be able to hook up with them only because I’d be like not smooth at all. I’d be ranting about how much I love them. When I started loving them. And how much my love has grown. And they would be like ‘you’re freaking us out’. I don’t think I’d make it past a 5 minute convo. Cause I would be so stunned at first. I’d be trying to find the least creepy thing to say. And if we made it past 5 minutes, I’d just ramble it all out. And it depends on how we met. Because I am not quiet about my love for them. So they would know. If we were to hang out, I’d be talking about my love for them. And they would tell me to leave. They are such humble creatures. But they praise each other all the fucking time. So maybe they would be cool.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Tomdaya. Tomdaya. Tomdaya.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">My Tomdaya dream inpatient.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I was dating Tom for like 3 or 4 weeks. Well I had a dream like 3 weeks in we were shopping and going to a club. So like 5 weeks into the relationship. I love when my dreams have time lines.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So we were in the middle of an ACT. And I just randomly asked does Zendaya know about me? And Tom like paused and I was like she doesn’t? and I got up and got dressed. And as I was walking out his bedroom was like “I’m going to tell Zendaya and we’ll date until you’re ready to be mature.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So I knew I was in love with both them. Well, whatever superficial love.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Superficial love is as amazing as real love. It’s not unreal. Superficial love is valid. Some superficial love last even better than deeper ones.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So if I like both of them, have a dream about being a triad, being happy and being successful. No I had a dream about being a side piece. And I’m going to be so epic that he’s risking it all.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">You don’t risk anything with Zendaya. You be honest with Zendaya. You be honest with anyone but especially not Zendaya. You don’t want to lose her.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So we dated on the side. And when I was leaving, I was so sure Zendaya would date me. LIke be interested in me. And not mind that me dated her boyfriend. But I didn’t know she didn’t know. And if it didn’t randomly come in my head would I ever have asked.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I understood in my dream, that dream Tom understood. That I was going to wait for him to be a successful triad. And I just read a little of my story. My own story cracks me up. (Okay, so I was telling this story about my dream. And then I glanced over at the side of the computer and read some of my story while I was telling my dream. Which I think is kind of the goal. Cause I write for me.)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It’s just really funny. LIke why that dream. Why am I so sure I could get them? Like no.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So back to Ney and Grant.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“And you’ll say?” Ney asks.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Only if my girlfriend Ney can come along.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Right. But no threesome. I’m not into him that way.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Oh, three way. Because a threesome is different to me. Three way is a traid. A threesome is just a night.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“You just watched that gorgeous man for four hours. And you’re not into him?”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">This is all that matters to Grant. It doesn’t make any sense to him.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Okay I’m not going to read any more.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Okay so it takes me about 40 minutes to type as much of a part as I want.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Singing along to Why don’t we just dance.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Oh, man I have a superman story to write. I forget about everything. I need to put that in my phone right now. Superman is going to take a while. Who even has the animated series? That’s what I’ll use for Superman. That would be really nice to do for a Superman Batman story. (That is one of my top ships.) That will be really fun. I’m glad I saw that.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Still badly singing to why don’t we just dance.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I ate apples. What? Why did I eat apples?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Gag face.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Singing along to Deep South.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Singing to my official karaoke song - Your Man</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And that’s how we’re going to end this episode with a little bit of Your Man.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">(Within video. Okay so my queer tags take up everything on my IG post. Rambles about queer tags.)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">That is my ultimate karaoke song. That’s the first one I do every time when I do rotations. Like when I start doing karaoke again. I have about 23 songs on my list. But that’s number one.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Alright ya’ll have an amazing day.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I can’t believe I finished another segment of my life. That is so weird to say but like it’s only 2 days that I combined but yeah. Keep writing!</span></p></span>Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-83604366614890866872023-09-27T11:25:00.002-07:002023-09-27T11:25:17.284-07:00Memories of an Early Childhood Trauma<p> <span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; white-space-collapse: preserve;">22 months</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-fa12b01a-7fff-1538-80dc-18547b39f8e1"><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Everyone is at dinner. Mom, Dad, Grey (brother, 17 years older), Blue (brother 16 years older), Indigo (sister, 6 years older), Emerald (sister, 4 years older). This never happened. This was different.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And yet, I’m so annoyed.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Their mouths keep moving but no sound comes out. They sit with their mouths wide open, no longer eating. They shake but no sound.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">----- ----- -----</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">27 months</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It’s a better day. I can hear a bit today.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Mommy holds my hand as I walk down a long, dark hallway. I’m placed in a chair. The room is dark and cold. Mommy is no longer in sight.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">A long, cold metal thing enters my ear. In one, swivel. In the other, swivel. And suddenly, there’s noise everywhere.</span></p><div><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><br /></span></div></span>Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-65601095241622731722023-07-31T07:01:00.005-07:002023-07-31T07:01:37.955-07:00Summer wrap up<p>Sunday reading list</p><p>Reading - I should start reading Manta again. I'm just afraid I'll start buying lol</p><p><br /></p><p>I kissed Shara Wheeler - amazing!</p><p><br /></p><p>The Director who takes Me to Dinner - Dennis Lee chasing director instead on Dongbaek is an interesting choice. Well the manga came first.</p><p><br /></p><p>Bongchan Bride - I'm not ready for Giant with a child</p><p><br /></p><p>Semantic Error</p><p><br /></p><p>Boyfriends</p><p><br /></p><p>High Class Homos</p><p><br /></p><p>No Love Zone - amazing on the 3rd? read </p><p><br /></p><p>Under the Oak Tree - I love Ruth. But I'm ready for Rif to come back. Yes, I nicknamed a character. Sue me.</p><p><br /></p><p>Keeping up with the Cullens - need to read.</p><p><br /></p><p>Sharing Beatrice - need to read tomorrow. Honestly forgot about it</p><p><br /></p><p>Boku Girl need to read today</p><p><br /></p><p>Monday Week Goals</p><p><br /></p><p>I have some requests for my classroom.</p><p><br /></p><p>My brother has taken over the chore of laundry.</p><p><br /></p><p>No missed meds - I'm doing better.</p><p><br /></p><p>Clean house daily - I wanna at least do dishes.</p><p><br /></p><p>Stay awake 1200- 1900 every day - I took a nap last week</p><p><br /></p><p>Shower or bath - I've been doing awesome.</p><p>And not so well this week </p><p><br /></p><p>Hair!!! And vlogging - I was supposed to debut a few weeks ago. But I'm hoping by the time school starts.</p><p><br /></p><p>Write - 10 works in progress. Not allowed to force myself to finish any until September.</p><p><br /></p><p>Watch shows - I finished A Boss and A Babe late.</p><p>Watching this week:</p><p>Go!</p><p>HSMTMTS</p><p>Heartstoppers</p><p><br /></p><p>Read - I need to turn in my reading lists</p><p><br /></p><p>Listen to music - over 400 songs last week. I'll note them all 6/19. Might make a blog out of them all. Just to see.</p><p>Okay. Listing might be this week if I can do a bunch of it tomorrow.</p><p><br /></p><p>Blog - currently doing.</p><p><br /></p><p>#100daysofcontentmentrinjinthom was dropped. I dropped #100daysofcontentmentrinjinx2</p><p>I'm just going to post pics at the end of this month.</p><p><br /></p><p>Tuesday Trans Promote</p><p><br /></p><p>TW: death of a parent, S.I.</p><p><br /></p><p>1) EtJ is fully edited. Lizzie is a scholarship orphan who is invited by the founders to stay with them for 10 weeks. She is from their town and has dissociative amnesia after her mother died when she was 8. Her oldest friend, turned crush, is going to be her bodyguard. He's trans. But the story resolves around her.</p><p>Just finished posting Chapter 25 wardrobe pics.</p><p><br /></p><p>2) Power of Three saga has 4 volumes out of 5 complete. As It Was, As It Wasn't, As It Could Have Been, As It Should Have Been. Beta reading stage. Its about triplets Jain, Tenielle, Aimee. They are raised Jehovah's Witnesses so their trauma builds as the story goes on. They have a discussion at 3 about wanting to die. Major volume 1 spoiler: the mom dies when they are 8. (Are you noticing a pattern?)</p><p><br /></p><p>Jain's best friend, turned boyfriend is Sam. She's the only one who calls him by his full chosen name Samuel. Tenielle is a bit of a bookworm who has a rocky relationship with Declan, Sam's older step brother. Aimee just loves being around friends and family. She dances to release emotions. She doesn't talk about them or dwell on them.</p><p><br /></p><p>Power of Three: book 5. AISB or Aii. Chapter 4 now. Giving up on 8/15/23 goal. I'll finish when I finish. Maybe this year. Maybe not.</p><p>Paused until September</p><p><br /></p><p>I need to cast As Is saga.</p><p><br /></p><p>3) TiMit is a romance about football/baseball campers who are in a secret relationship. So secret that when their parents get surprised married, they break up without anyone but 1 best friend knowing. (Their parents also died before they were 9 years old.) Complete.</p><p><br /></p><p>4) Powerless Against the Gay. Ftm Peter and teen all pronouns Loki just went on their first date. Steve, Bucky, and Thor found out they are mates. Tony run away when Bruce </p><p>Complete</p><p><br /></p><p>5) Purple's DR & RA is a bit more autobiographical than usual. Going far into my past. Me at age 14 in an alternate universe with age 27 memories.</p><p>P'sDR&RA - began 5/1/23. We already hate Ken's family.</p><p>Paused until September</p><p><br /></p><p>6) SinG is Cole and Ri realizing that some people can handle your secrets. They redefine their lives.</p><p>Finish 6/22/23 - might not.</p><p>V4 P1 ✔️ P2, 3 ✔️, 4 ✔️, 6, V5 P 1, 2. Writing V5 P 3, 4, 5, and Epilogue</p><p>Paused until September</p><p><br /></p><p>7) Enby RR is going well. I'm on the third notebook. It's Tenielle's continuation of SinG. So it's a fanfiction of a book I wrote by a character I've written, by another character I've written. Writing ception.</p><p>Enby RR: typing every 3 days.</p><p>I finished typing the first notebook. Hoping to finish the second notebook by 6/17/23. That didn't happen. Maybe 7/4/23</p><p>Puased writing until September</p><p>Hope to finish typing 8/31/23</p><p><br /></p><p>8) VAULT is full story poly!</p><p>Began 5/1/23 - writing daily. Not really 1 or 2 days hopefully.</p><p>Paused until September</p><p><br /></p><p>9) WPLT: focused on finishing the first notebook before I start writing again. </p><p>Finished the first notebook. Typing second one.</p><p>Paused writing until September</p><p><br /></p><p>10) J/E/B is a Pride & Prejudice inspired Twilight story. Jacob is Darce. Edward/Bella, Elizabeth Bennet. Edward is nonbinary.</p><p>Everyone is matching up with P&P character really well. </p><p>I finished the secret chapter. It's full corn.</p><p>Still writing a bit</p><p><br /></p><p>Picked up Monday 6/5/23:</p><p><br /></p><p>11) Pride: Your Way</p><p>I reread but I need to catch up on the show where I am in the story.</p><p><br /></p><p>12) How I Loved You</p><p>Reread all 20 parts. Working on ages 15 - 22. Haven't actually thought of those memories in a while so it will be tough. Wrote 1 scene at 19. Probably all I will write this week.</p><p><br /></p><p>Picked back up</p><p><br /></p><p>13) Powerless Part 2</p><p><br /></p><p>Started 7/30/23</p><p><br /></p><p>14) My Heart/Untitled</p><p><br /></p><p>Word count for month of July: 39,000</p><p><br /></p><p>Friday Media Share</p><p><br /></p><p>Music:</p><p><br /></p><p>Miley Cyrus - 1.5 albums left. I ✨️have✨️ listened since last week. Just not much</p><p>I haven't listened in over 2 months</p><p><br /></p><p>Release Radar - listening right now</p><p>Discover Weekly - had some epic songs this week</p><p><br /></p><p>I got music blends on Spotify with some potential partners and 3 friends. It's fun to see wherever music taste meets up.</p><p>Not any partners any more.</p><p><br /></p><p>Watching:</p><p><br /></p><p>Go! Viva a tu Manara - on season 2 episode 4, I believe. The rewatch rating is 10/10 so far.</p><p><br /></p><p>A Boss and A Babe - the finale wasn't as emotional as it would have been if I watched on time</p><p><br /></p><p>Roommates of Poongduck 304 - Chaebol did ✨️not✨️ have a gay/queer panic. He just accepted that he was interested in a guy.</p><p>Haven't watched in a week.</p><p>Haven't watched in months.</p><p><br /></p>Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-27654235804284855392023-05-10T07:52:00.000-07:002023-05-10T07:52:18.260-07:00Self-love Revolution<p>I need to buy this book</p><p><br /></p><p>The dedication:</p><p>For every girl who has felt ugly, wrong, bad, weak - you are beautiful, you are right, you are good, you are powerful beyond imagination.</p><p>#7 of 9 points that explode beauty standards:</p><p>It is not your job to be beautiful</p><p>Health at every size - HAES</p><p>Is people never pronouncing your name correctly a microaggression? It comes from inside the house too.</p><p>John Harvey Kellogg was a clean eating advocate. Keeping your body clean helped keep your soul clean - from sex!</p><p>And their world views and spiritual beliefs were beyond most white men's comprehension.</p><p>Nine gross characteristics of diet culture</p><p>#1 you learn about diet culture when you're a kid</p><p>#4 you learn to compliment people if they look like they've lost weight - and to have minimal concerns about how it happened.</p><p>Ch 7 Why is my family always talking about my body?</p><p>#3 they ate being inappropriate and controlling</p><p>Remember: you have the right to set boundaries and communicate with your family around what you need to feel safe I your body.</p><p>Self-love is about recognizing and accepting that you are precious and valuable.</p><p>Stuff to say to trolls</p><p>Chapter 10 I'm tired of hating myself... so how do I love myself?</p><p>Forty quick things you can do to develop self-love</p><p>#4 get rid of your "skinny" jeans</p><p>Just for that I'm putting them on my shopping list for fall</p><p>#14 say out loud as often as possible: "I'm valuable and sacred"</p><p>#15 write a love letter to your body</p><p>#16 light a little candle, and for the entire time it burns, think or write down nice things about yourself until it goes out</p><p>#18 don't date or have crushes on people who are homophobic, transphobic, fatphobic, or racist</p><p>#19 watch shows and movies that portray all kinds or people in empowering and positive ways</p><p>#33 come up with a secret thing that makes you feel like yourself or makes you feel grounded.</p><p>#35 watch movies and social media with a critical lense. Notice who the main characters and who the villains are, and ask yourself why. Notice how people of different races, sizes, and economic backgrounds are portrayed, and ask yourself why.</p><p>#36 experiment with different lengths of hair, growing out body hair, and how you dress</p><p>#37 focus on communicating what you want and need.</p><p>#38 listen yo music that makes you feel seen and heard</p><p>#39 talk to yourself the way you'd talk to someone you really love. That means no more insults or name-calling.</p><p>I'm a fool bitch. Try to stop me!</p><p>#40 recognize that it's okay to have bad days when you're really down on yourself. You didn't fail! Remind yourself that you didn't choose to learn crappy (body) ideals</p><p>Part three</p><p>Be you, not what someone else thinks you should be</p><p>Chapter 12 say no at least once a day</p><p>Alternatively, personally, say yes at least once a day</p><p>Chapter 13 - going into sixth grade increased dieting from "regular dieting". Does the author mean their normal eating or their average diet that happened repeatedly through life?</p><p>Healthy and thin are not the same thing</p><p>Learn the basics of a new language </p><p>Write everyone you know a note telling the how amazing they are</p><p>Chapter 15 find your allies</p><p>People who:</p><p>Genuinely want you to thrive and succeed</p><p>You trust</p><p>Do what they can to make sure you are safe and successful</p><p>Where you live and hang out. Your not chosen community, NCC. Some become CC, chosen community. Some don't. </p><p>"Because my boyfriend was a straight white dude, he was able to feel comfortable in most places because we live in a culture that was built to make him feel comfortable. I, on the other hand, do not feel comfortable in many places, because we live in a culture that wasn't built to make me feel comfortable. </p><p>He was afraid of my umbrella because it made him feel like an outsider (my personal add, stand out and a target because no one else had one). I'm used to feeling like an outsider - whether I have a bright umbrella covered in dogs open or not.</p><p>I never thought I'd be the kind of person who wore tight neon pants or a silver-sequined jumpsuit.</p><p>When I was in middle and high school, everything in my closet was pretty much the same color. The most adventurous color in my wardrobe was dark blue.</p>Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-23252810047151526732023-05-01T01:01:00.001-07:002023-05-05T07:40:10.444-07:00Random thoughts on my cult upbringing<p> 1) Just went shopping for the bubs birthday tomorrow. The fact that we weren't going to get them anything 😬😬 speaks to being raised in a cult.</p><p><br /></p><p>I have yet to receive a birthday present. But better for the next generation!</p><p><br /></p><p>There's a party on their birthday tomorrow but it's for their friend. Hopefully we can make the time after the party special for them.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>2) I'm on volume 3 of my 5 volume series about being trans/gay/queer and raised a witness.</p><p><br /></p><p>Someone read a chapter where one of the triplets, Jain, learns about Spock/Kirk fanfiction, tells her trans boyfriend about a Vulcan kiss they can do at school without getting in trouble with one of her triplet sisters, and his brother outs them as a couple to their friends, in a nice way. And everyone pretty much says, if it's a secret, why tell us but we'll hide it.</p><p><br /></p><p>The person who read it told me they cried and they wanted to read more. The goal of the chapter was definitely not to male people cry. But it was nice to see them relate to it so much.</p><p><br /></p><p>3) Thanks. I was raised in a cult. There wasn't much I would have been encouraged to read. So I started writing at 14 for young people to have "safe" things to read.</p><p><br /></p><p>I wrote 3 books but only ever felt connected to 1 character in all of them. When I escaped, I decided to take all my stories and do a "Make It Queer" series.</p><p><br /></p><p>Now I feel connected to my characters.</p><p><br /></p><p>4) Considering I was barely allowed to wear miniskirts at home when I got into Star Trek at 12, I thought it was highly feminist and daring.</p><p><br /></p><p>5) I have BPD, ADD, and Autism. I think it's trauma from being bullied by my siblings up to 16 years older than me and having to limit my needs from my mom dying for 4 years. Then escaping the cult proved to me that no one lasts forever.</p><p><br /></p><p>6) Also in the Bible Belt. Yesterday I went to a birthday party possibly at a house I knocked on for th ministry when I was in. The house next door for sure. But the house I was in felt familiar too.</p><p><br /></p><p>I was like JWs would call me pagan for being at my first birthday party ever. AND it's a house I tried to convert? Awesome!</p><p><br /></p><p>7) I'm sorry to hear that. The one time me and my bestie wrestled, like legit wrestled no homosexual undertones, we were caught. And my aunt told her dad we needed to always be under adult supervision. He thought that was pathetic and didn't do so. Like how could he when we had sleepovers?</p><p><br /></p><p>8) 3 sisters in the neighboring congregation for our double hall pressured me to medicate my little one. Said Jehovah would like me to stay at meeting and they do it all the time.</p><p><br /></p><p>I never took them back. I went like 3 more times. My best friend/roommate 2 more times after me. And then after 2 months, I told her I wasn't going back. She said she had a boyfriend. I worried that we would stop talking and need to find new places to live. She said it wasn't a witness and she'd kept it secret from me, fearing I'd judge her.</p><p><br /></p><p>Sooooo glad my little one didn't have any effects from mixed meds. Sooooo annoyed I didn't even know their names but gave in. But also grateful their actions had the opposite result of their intent.</p><p><br /></p><p>9) Hahaha </p><p><br /></p><p>After 3 years put, I still sing the line "Stay Awake, Stand Firm, Grow Mighty" whenever I get really tired while doing something I need to do. Like I conditioned myself to do at meeting.</p><p><br /></p><p>I still fell asleep at meetings. Now I laugh so hard, I wake up.</p><p><br /></p><p>10) I asked my brother if "forgetting our cult upbringing, would our parents be disappointed that you are socially a boy, after trying for a decade for a girl? Even considering they got 1.3 girls after that."</p><p><br /></p><p>He laughed and said if he "came out at 3 maybe as our middle sister was only 1 at the time and Rina wasn't born yet. But mostly they would be confused as it was the 90s and our parents were born in late 50s."</p><p><br /></p>Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-82342366391198528302023-04-28T04:44:00.001-07:002023-04-28T04:44:05.083-07:00Wow mom<p>1) I feel that. I don't even know any of my non jw family. My mom kept them in my life. But as soon as she died, we never visited again. I think because my aunts and uncle can't keep quiet about their faith but my mom would only mention it politely, not trying to convert.</p><p><br /></p><p>2) Thank you. I'm mostly okay with it. Because of watching her suffer. And of course there was the hope of seeing her again. I'm not really sure what I believe now. Maybe in the universe reusing energies. So one day our energies will connect again. I jut wish I had her for the sexual assault and my brother's abuse.</p><p><br /></p><p>3) I wish my mom had had time to learn and then teach me sign language since my hearing was intermittent until I was 2. I guess I just learned not to ask for anything. Wonder if it affected me at all /s 🙃🙃🙃</p><p>4) Makes sense. As a former child of a parent in college, they love the time you spend together. </p><p><br /></p><p>I'm not sure what degree my mom got. She was in college from me being 3-7. And I'm pretty sure she took college classes. And she didn't work. She also had cancer for 75% of college.</p><p><br /></p><p>I remember she went to sleep last, well besides me staring at her once she was asleep due to my insomnia. She woke up first. She was always reading.</p><p><br /></p><p>But she spent her lunch time taking me to speech therapy 3 times a week. And would spend any extra time, taking ms to the farm on her campus and telling me about animals. She talked to me whenever I would interrupt her while studying.</p><p><br /></p><p>Her future was a priority. But I still mattered. Your child watches and knows</p>Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-42312395740574243812023-04-21T07:20:00.005-07:002023-04-21T07:20:30.558-07:00Random Thoughts on my Trans identity<p>1) </p><p>Right?! Like puberty blockers should be accepted by ALL mental health professionals. Hell, let's give our cis children puberty blockers. That way bullying for growing "too fast" or "too slow" will stop.</p><p><br /></p><p>2)</p><p>Literally no. I knew I wasn't cis without knowing that people could be trans. That was at age 3. When I wanted to break out of preschool and get hit by a car. Or kidnapped, raped, and killed.</p><p><br /></p><p>Because that would have been better than being raised a certain gender.</p><p><br /></p><p>3)</p><p>I'm not doing anything to children. No one is doing anything to children. Children are coming up to their families, after thinking about it for hours, days, weeks, months, years. And saying I am unhappy in my body.</p><p><br /></p><p>Refusing them blockers, which as I said are reversible, kills them. Your opinion is killing children.</p><p><br /></p><p>I don't hate you. I just want you to stop telling me that I didn't think the way I did as a child. That is manipulation and gaslighting. I hope for your children's sake they are all cisgender. And don't run away at 18 to be safe.</p><p><br /></p><p>4)</p><p>I would say that my transness is a mental disability. I'm perfectly happy the way I am. Like my ASD diagnosis.</p><p>But it won't kill me like my Bipolar ii and BPD can.</p><p><br /></p><p>Animals do not socially transition. Physical transitions are most often permanent but AGAIN, children aren't allowed to physically transition under the age of 18. Often not until they are over 22.</p><p><br /></p><p>I'm down for setting the transition age at 25 when the frontal vortex is fully developed. However, letting a 3 year old socially transition will not prohibit them from detransition at 10 or 13 or 17. And if they transition 10 times, it's fine.</p><p><br /></p><p>It is much better than a 7 year old killing themselves. THAT is permanent.</p><p><br /></p><p>5)</p><p>My dead name is from a movie title my mom watched while pregnant with me. I had a similar life to the one described in the movie.</p><p><br /></p><p>6)</p><p>I like T'ya'la from Star Trek. It means "friend, brother, lover". But it doesn't have to be all three. In my opinion for Spock and Kirk it does. But other people feel it just means friend, brother.</p><p><br /></p><p>Another I like is nae salam. It means my person in Korean. I just love the slight ownership and implication that this person is different than everyone else. I'm not entirely sure how to use it in my poly life.</p><p><br /></p><p>7)</p><p>I feel so bad for the girls going through 2nd puberty and calling us out on never telling them. I think I just accepted it within 2 months of having them and never thought of it again.</p><p><br /></p><p>Now I'm wondering if my chest is why I had to go to physical therapy for lower back pain in 8th grade. I can't imagine growing to be an i cup again.</p><p><br /></p><p>8)</p><p>You don't have to believe the same as me. But you could be polite and not press your beliefs on me. Kindly ignore me now. Bye!</p><p>You are wildly entertaining after all. Even if I showed you my birth certificate, told you how happy my family was to have a 3rd daughter after 2 boys and 2 girls, and how much my first period surprised me, you still wouldn't believe I could be assigned female at birth and still be trans.</p><p><br /></p><p>9)</p><p>That's fair. Considering how hard gender is for me, while I'm 27 and quintgender, I can't even imagine a cis person from the 50s.</p><p><br /></p><p>My mom and dad were born in 57. I think my mom would have an easier time than my dad.</p><p><br /></p><p>10)</p><p>Then he read my post about coming out. He literally asked "are you 5 people?" And doesn't understand how that's transphobic as he thought it was a mental health thing. Which in my opinion still isn't the way to ask. His tone didn't say "explain it to me." It said "now what?</p><p><br /></p><p>11)</p><p>I knew my brother for 25 years as one name. I haven't deadnamed him since he came out over a year ago.</p><p>The child who gave me my name, I deadname occasionally because I haven't talked to them in 21 months. But I always correct myself.</p><p>My childhood friend who changed from a nickname for his middle name to his full legal name, I have deadnamed when telling stories about him under 20. Never deadnamed him to his face. And he was very gracious during the transition stage. Also he's cisgender so it's not as pressing, personally.</p><p>It does happen. I dead gender myself the most. But repeating the correct name after is loving and trying.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-32721692259297809372023-03-25T12:14:00.005-07:002023-03-25T12:14:52.453-07:00Top 50 country songs<p><b>Wait in the truck </b>don't<b> </b>support murder but understand the emotions. Top tier lyrics, melody, and singing.</p><p><b>Last night </b>interesting. Drunk tell all.</p><p><b>The kind of love we make </b>adore this video. Nice voice and lyrics as expected from Luke Combs.</p><p><b>Thank God </b>Kane Brown is such a nice addition to country music. I'm pleased to find out there's a wife! Katelyn Brown, you going to become the most famous black female country singer? More here for the couple than the worship.</p><p><b>Rock and a hard place </b>have to admit. Wasnt listening close to the lyrics but love the melody.</p><p><b>Heart like a truck </b>is such a country girl song. Country girls get dirty and they are built strong.</p><p><b>Love you anyway </b>asks a good question. Would I love someone again if I knew they would break my heart? I would just like Luke. I'd rather have the good feeling and memories even though the pain.</p><p><b>Thought you should know </b>Morgan Wallen has had like 6 songs on this playlist. Has he taken over country? I like his voice.</p><p><b>Jolene </b>Olivia<b> owned! </b>this song. I love Dolly as a person but I haven't taken the time to be a music fan.</p><p><b>The Git up </b>I<b> FUCKING </b>love this song. I need more Blanco Brown in my life.</p><p><b>I hope </b>this is one of the most classic and iconic revenge songs.</p><p><b>What he didn't do </b>this video! She looks amazing and the vibes are just there! I like the idea of her not speaking about what he did but what he missed as a good partner.</p><p><b>Human </b>always ready for a Cody Johnson song. Automatic fave.</p><p><b>5 foot 9 </b>is a beautiful song to dedicate to a specific girl. But I'll forget the exact height for the God and angel lyrics.</p><p><b>Be like that </b>Kane Brown is blessing country music.</p><p><b>Next thing you know </b>Jordan Davis, where have you been my whole life? Probably growing up and gaining life stories to sing about. Awesome. Welcome!</p><p><b>Bartender - Rehab - </b>awesome beat. He going to get caught.</p><p><b>Going, going, gone </b>Luke Combs. I checked who it was. Of course, it was Luke. His storytelling is amazing.</p><p><b>Travelin' soldier </b>Cody Johnson! His voice.</p><p><b>Need a favor </b>Jelly Roll is<b> SUCH</b> a name</p><p><b>Tennessee orange </b>such a cute betrayal to her home state</p><p><b>Son of the dirty south </b>sounds like a Brantley Gilbert but the Jelly Roll fake out was amazing. This is the beginning of a new generation of country music</p><p><b>SOLD OUT </b>HARDY is damn sexy. He's heavy metal screaming in a country song. His voice is perfect in every version. Great lyrics.</p><p><b>JACK </b>this song has a solemn feel to it. Back to the heavy metal vibe! This is about alcohol, right?</p><p>Lol, yes.</p><p><b>You didn't </b>Brett Young! I wish this was all guys reaction to not getting the girl</p><p><b>If he wanted to he would </b>where was this song when I was 21, 22? It still wouldn't have saved my delusion. But it would have been nice.</p><p><b>Cold </b>Chris Stapleton's voice is amazing!</p><p><b>Soul </b>the lyrics and the mv! Melody - ftw.</p>Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-51148700418184819352023-03-06T10:36:00.001-08:002023-03-06T10:49:18.641-08:00BtoB<p>I'm sure I went out of order but I listened to BtoB's entire discography.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Complete</b> a few new favorite songs. I like this vibe and voices. Rap and music is light but has a point.</p><p><b>24/7</b> I'm not much a fan of Kpop idols doing Jpop. But this was a great album.</p><p><b>Brother Act </b>great album. But all I can think about is the conversation interlude. I adore when bands do that.</p><p><b>Be Together</b> it had some slow songs. It was a very gentle album. It felt like a hug.</p><p><b>Piece of BtoB</b> an album full of solos is a phenomenal idea. All bands should do this.</p><p><b>Born to Beat</b> calming. Abeoji made me a bit sad. Definitely need to listen again and pick apart the songs.</p><p><b>Press Play</b> this is another peaceful album. Not really upbeat. Great to listen to while working.</p><p><b>Thriller</b> Like a Crystal was soooo sweet. I want to hear it often. I'm not really in love with the band.</p><p><b>Beep Beep</b> title song, epic! Always my fav! Hello and Hello Mello made me so happy. Interesting that they are two different songs. Is this the full album?</p><p><b>Move</b> honesty? Boring </p><p><b>The Winter's Tale</b> this was a good Christmas/Winter album. Drink! didn't fit the vibe and <b>are</b> they old enough to drink?</p><p><b>I Mean</b> I'm going to take a break from this band. 11 albums in and only 6 songs have stood out to me.</p><p><b>Remember That </b>I enjoy this album more. I don't know if it's the beats and music. Or the break. Or my expectations.</p><p><b>New Men</b> again. A better album. Did they change producers or concepts? I want this to stay. Are they still together?</p><p><b>Feel'em</b> okay so basically, I'm biased against the first album I heard or in a more forgiving mood. I can see being a fan.</p><p><b>This is Us</b> Okay. That little rap in Icebreaker was adorable. Always love 1, 2, 3 songs.</p><p><b>Hour Moment </b>A calmer album but still upbeat enough to fit their name.</p><p><b>4U: Outside </b>Good album. Definitely look forward to listening again.</p><p><br /></p><p>I was hard on this band. I'm glad thy are still together. The members seem to be quite busy. But I want another album.</p><p><br /></p>Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-44029133300184739312020-12-31T03:24:00.004-08:002020-12-31T03:24:59.616-08:00Shorts: Let's Play - Animation<p>I love this story. The episode they covered in the introductory animation aren't the heart of the story. It gets better in my opinion (can'twait to reread it).</p><p><br /></p><p>But the effects are fantastic. It's fun to see what I have read be put into action. Like, Sam's confrontation, her melting away, and of course all the fun chibis and game references.</p><p><br /></p><p>I can't wait to review the episodes in written form.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-23758505940611537462020-12-31T03:21:00.003-08:002020-12-31T03:21:32.681-08:00Shorts<p> It's New Year's Eve and I'm officially back.</p><p><br /></p><p>I've been trying to decide what to turn this blog into all year. And this is it. For the foreseeable future it will be a short series review blog.</p><p><br /></p><p>First series: Let's Play the animation.</p>Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-23585276411415540072020-11-09T06:56:00.005-08:002020-11-09T06:59:00.001-08:00Nightmares<p>I thought that nightmares was a trial everyone had to deal with. At least every child. I thought it was my entertainment. I thought it was my overactive imagination. </p><p><br /></p><p>I thought wrong.</p><p><br /></p><p>I've had a few recurring dreams. Planes, trains, spiders, Disney princesses, a psycho path threatening his family and dinner guests, and me as a mass murderer on the loose while my family, friends and I try to survive. </p><p><br /></p><p>I've woken up panicked and scared.</p><p><br /></p><p>I had childhood dreams from the Titanic and other tragedies and murder mysteries. I had day scares about the Titanic. I was afraid I was on the sinking half everywhere I went. School, car, parties. I wasn't at peace for almost 2 months.</p><p><br /></p><p>And it's progressed to the point where every time I close my eyes, my subconscious wrecks havoc. My mind plays off of many daily tasks and gives the most negative result I can imagine.</p><p><br /></p><p>The lines between reality and dreams is blurring.</p><p><br /></p><p>I'm supposed to write one of my nightmares from everyone's perspective and really analyze the dream. I've chosen the psychopath.</p><p><br /></p><p>I'm scared to dwell on it though.</p>Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-75846779281993669152020-04-09T21:05:00.002-07:002020-04-09T21:05:16.129-07:00Jaded is perfect<br />
Dove Cameron - Elizabeth Gent<br />
Gregg Sulkin - Finn Campbell<br />
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Power of Three - Chapters 6, 10, 11 are missing<br />
Aimee's name is pronounced Aimée. She realizes she's nonbinary after the book timeline.<br />
The triplets - Sofia Wylie<br />
Nathan - Tom Holland, American accent<br />
Samuel - Larry Saperstein<br />
Declan - Rhenzy Feliz<br />
Samuel sings Obvious by Westlife at age 7<br />
Sings I Do by Westlife to propose<br />
Declan's video background song is Honey Bee by Blake Shelton<br />
Nathan proposes with Why Wait<br />
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Silence is Not Golden - Anya and Kyle get together. Cole sings Man, I think I love her at the costume party. Cole does some research into the demigirl, nonbinary, transgender umbrella and decides to call Ri t'hy'la as a non gender love mate term. Cole and Ri ship Kirk/Spock. Ri wants to act as Jude's mom. TiMit is Cole's brain child.<br />
Cole and Ri end up married with no other children.<br />
Cole - Jordan Fisher, with hipster glasses<br />
Ri - Quvenzhané Wallis<br />
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TiMit -<br />
Chapter 5 - Freshman year<br />
Chapter 6 - Comes out to camp, Tim dreams of Tomroy Bolton<br />
Chapter 7 - Sophomore year<br />
Chapter 8 - Mitch comes into Tim. Tim says when they are 18. Fail.<br />
Chapter 9 - Junior year, fails to come to camp, break up<br />
Chapter 10 - Aftermath of drunk night, mom is pregnant<br />
Chapter 11 - Tim proposes and Mitch turns 18<br />
Chapter 12 - Wedding, honeymoon<br />
Timothy - Joshua Rush<br />
Mitch - Luke BenwardPurple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-84529652591890036072019-11-06T06:41:00.002-08:002019-11-06T06:41:57.226-08:00Pride Your Way<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-79551992-7fff-8151-74e2-a8db7dd969d0" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">March 17th, 2018</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Lupe. Walk with us!" Olivia yells grabbing her arm with the one she has free.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Do I have a choice?" Lupe asks and nods towards Juanma on the other side of Olivia.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She gives a polite laugh.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Juanma what do you think of Lupe's dress?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Juanma looks surprised. He's not really asked for fashion opinions often.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"The ruffles are a nice detail."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Agus was going to wear this same dress, wasn't she?" Olivia asks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe grins. Where did she even hear anything like that? Eavesdropping.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Yeah but Agus chose hers this morning. She told me to wear mine."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"That's nice of her." Juanma says, confused.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Oh, Juanma darling, it's not like guys wearing white shirts with jeans. 6 of you could and not even blink an eye. In fact that may be happening now. But with girls, picking the right outfit and looking nice is so important and difficult to accomplish. If your friend can find the perfect dress, giving yours up for her would be a huge sacrifice."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For forcing me into a party of three I didn't want to join, this girl sure knows how to make me sound horrible.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Well then I'm sure Lupe is appreciative of Agus."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I sure am. I need to greet my dad."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"What do you think of these sisters now that you've seen their lifestyle, Juanma?" Olivia asks the moment Lupe is out of earshot.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I like their place. It's not huge like your house. And not a museum like mine. So you can actually see your family in a day."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Nothing else? What of their class, Juanma?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Their class? It's 2018. What do we care about class?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Some still care, Juanma. Some do." And she walks away.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Good riddance.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Martín smiles to himself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Come on, girls. Dance off!" Olivia says, pulling them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maybe she's so aggressive because we're her only friends. That's kinda sad, Lupe thinks.</span></div>
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<a href="https://youtu.be/XLMZVH9zBpA" style="text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-decoration-line: underline; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">https://youtu.be/XLMZVH9zBpA</span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Everyone gasps.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She didn't even sprain anything. Lupe thinks looking around Mia's room.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tobias almost carried her back to the dorms until dad pointed out we do have rooms here. So he carried her upstairs instead.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Facepalm.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Do you need anything?" Tobias asks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Guys, I'm okay." Mia says, putting pressure on the ice Juanma thought to grab.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Sure. Until you go to practice on Monday and fall again." Olivia says.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe sits up at that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Wait. She's our best performer." Agus says.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"No offense, Lupe." Sofi adds.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe shrugs in acknowledgment. She's more technical anyway.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"We need her." Agus continues.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"And she'll perform m. If you let her rest." Olivia commands.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">March 21st, 2018</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Evidently that means sitting with the Bingley siblings and nightly visits to check in. With Juanma involved for some reason.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He's not so bad. After several semi awkward conversations.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Olivia stated she feels mostly at fault for choosing the music. Tobias is concerned. Dad insists that I stay right next to Mia when I can.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Even Gaspar stopped by her dorm on a school night to check on her. I left as soon as I could. Somehow, dude's a snake.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mind you, she didn't really get hurt. I know my sister. This is starting to annoy her. I need to put a stop to it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Dad this is ridiculous. Mia has fallen before. She didn't even cry."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I know. But the two schools are united over this."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Dad!"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I'm a principal first at school, Lupe. And this us good for the school. Give it 2 more days, okay. Then it will be the weekend."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well that was a bust, Lupe thinks stabbing her food.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I know this isn't the time to say this but the dance you and Mia did was inspired." Juanma comments, glanninc at her plate. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"It's fine. Mia is okay. I'm upset for a different reason." Lupe whispers back.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Placing - </span><a href="https://youtu.be/r8KUeSCIR-E" style="text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-decoration-line: underline; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">https://youtu.be/r8KUeSCIR-E</span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"And that would be?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"None of your business." Lupe says and winces. "Sorry, that was rude."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"No. You're right. We haven't known each other a fortnight."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe raises her eyebrows.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"2 weeks. We haven't known each other 2 weeks. You don't have reason to tell me your inner thoughts."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Anyway, tell me more about how you liked our dance. How it dazzled you."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I said, inspired." Juanma smiles. "I couldn't look away."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"So you could look away from her first performance?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Can we forget the fact that I was so Frank the first time we met?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I'll try. Go ahead."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Mia's performance on the first day was large but yours was commanding. It told a story. Maybe it's because I simply know you both better but it brought out your personalities. It would win regionals for sure."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I'll consider your points."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Juanma smiles.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">March 23rd, 2018</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"They are playing for our school." Dad announces.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Cool." Martín replies.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Martín should join." Mia says.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"What?" He says surprised. "I'm an artist not an athlete."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"You've always been good at sports." Lupe argues.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Yes but as a hobby. I've never been interested in a team before."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"We've never had a team before." Mia says.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I think it would be beneficial for you." Dad says.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Are you speaking as the principal or my dad?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"As your dad. I love that you support the girls with Go! but you should have your own thing."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"My outfits is my thing."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Yes but a thing separate from the girls."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Hey." Mia and Lupe take issue with that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Don't you want your brother to make friends outside of yours?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Hey. They're my friends too."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Sure." Dad says, unconvinced. The girls snicker.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Wait, dad. Do we need a cheerleading team then?" Lupe asks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Dad, yes. We need a cheer team." Martín says.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Are you already designing their outfits in your head?" Mia asks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Lupe we didn't talk about that."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"So this was planned. I knew it." Martín says.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"You'll be on the team with Juanma and Tobias." Mia comments.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Hmmm. I'll try out. I like those guys."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe is surprised.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe: Go! might be a bit stale.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Juanma: she's interesting.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mia: I don't like being catered but Tobias does it so sweetly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tobias: I'm glad Mia is better.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Martín: friends outside of my sisters' will be new.</span></div>
Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-82079646526135470552019-10-26T17:48:00.000-07:002019-10-26T17:49:15.253-07:00Pride: Your Way<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-b1604c5d-7fff-e843-5e0c-46ab21b1582d" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Chapter 2</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">March 12th, 2018</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“So Mia do you like him?” Zoe asks at Go!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“He’s sweet.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Zoe raises an eyebrow.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Do you like him?” She repeats with emphasis.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Maybe.” Mia giggles. “I haven’t even known him a day.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Either way. Maybe you should be less you about it.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Excuse me?” Lupe says coming to her sister’s defense.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I think what Zoe means is Mia should flirt,” Simon explains.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sofi and Agus start laughing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Mia? Flirt?” Martin asks incredulously.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yes, flirt. How else would he know she likes him anymore than a stranger? She’s too bubbly with everyone for him to tell a difference.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mia looks downcast.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Whatever Zoe. Would you ever do that?” Lupe asks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“If necessary.” She replies as Aunt Isabel walks in. “I hope he realizes how you feel.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Class is starting. Team start stretching while I look at Martin’s concepts.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yes, ma’am.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">March 13th, 2018</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Juanma and Lupe.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stupid mixed second and third year elective, Lupe curses.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Hi.” Juanma says, sitting down.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Hi.” Lupe says, checking herself in the mirror.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’m, um, surprised you don’t want Olivia to have her party.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And I’m surprised you speak.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s not like we didn’t have the summer to party. And Go! needs work.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Juanma pauses in setting up his multi colored pens.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Right. Tobias mentioned you might have been upset by what I said.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oh, no. I love when people criticize things they know nothing about. Especially when it’s my art and friends who have been working so long and hard at something.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I told you, I’ve been to the competitions. I’m not just saying it.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Fine. How about the fact that it was one performance meant to be informal with new members?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Um.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Exactly. Maybe wait until you have solid evidence that we suck.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“That’s not...”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Class dismissed.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe stalks out.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">March 14th, 2018</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Why aren’t you rooming with Lupe?” Zoe asks again as Mis starts unpacking.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Because we are sisters. And too much time together can put our lives at risk.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“As if you could ever hurt anyone.” Simon says.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“SIblings bring out a different side.” Mia says, simply. “Plus we’re good friends aren’t we Zoe? Or would you rather I room with Sofi?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You’re my best friend after Simon. I could never let you submit yourself yo all that fangirling.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Simon fangirls.” Mia says confused.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Fanboying is completely different.” He comments indignant.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They all laugh.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Are you sure you don’t mind me rooming with you, Lupe? I can room with Sofi.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Agus, you are fine to room with me. My dad cleared the rooms with me a few days ago, when Mia and I decided not to room together. Unless you really want to room with Sofi. I can talk to him for you.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No, no. It’s okay.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe looks surprised at the outburst.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Sofi and I are always together. Even she can get sick of me.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’m always out practicing. Just don’t be too loud when I’m here.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Okay.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“So Juanma what do you think of the school?” Tobias asks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I wish we weren’t rooming together.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“This school isn’t as expensive so not having a bunch of extra rooms makes sense. We are kinda just taking over their school.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What with a couple dozen or so of us?” Juanma says as if he doesn’t know the exact number.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’m just glad they don’t have the same rules about co-ed in the dorms.” Olivia says.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Did she just disagree with me, Juanma thinks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Anyway, Juanma what do you think of our hosts?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I think it’s great that we have somewhere relatively close to go to school.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What do you think of the people?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Ramiro seems nice.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For once Juanma isn’t sure where she’s going with this.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What do you think of the daughters? I know Tobias is enraptured with one.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“They are fine.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Really? Just fine. I saw you smiling at Lupe on the way to dorms.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Juanma smiled?” Tobias asks incredulously.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Juanma glares at his friend.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I doubt I was smiling at her. I was smiling while looking in her direction.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“If you say so.” Olivia singsongs.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">March 17th, 2018</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Didn’t dad tell us to focus on school and Go! not socializing?” Lupe asks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I believe he wanted us to not gossip.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe glares.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Either way, mandatory attendance for a party is insane.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mia isn’t going to correct her again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s mandatory? That’s so cool.” Sofi says.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It’s not mandatory.”</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“But you just said.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I was being extra. Dad just really implied he wanted Mia and I here.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Well it would have been weird if you weren’t at your own house.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Agus is right. Anyway, we’re going to go see if we can get this party trending online.” Sofi says, pulling Agus away.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Trending. Trending is good.” Lupe comments to herself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Can we go say hi to Tobias?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Mia, you can go say hi to him. You’re almost a grown woman.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mia looks unsure. Lupe pushes her 3 feet forward and walks away. She’s proud until...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Lupe!” Juanma says as they nearly bump into each other.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Her eyes narrow instinctually.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Hello.” She says coldly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Juanma bows in reply.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hahaha. Did he just bow?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’m sorry. That was strange. I’m not sure why I did that.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Shouted my name or bowed?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Bowed actually. Um, the shouting was from surprise. You looked lost.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I was congratulating myself.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“On?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe starts to gesture towards Mia but remembers she doesn’t like this fool.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“On my house being so beautifully decorated.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oh, did you do it yourself?” He asks, seeming genuinely curious.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No, I didn’t have time but Martín asked Olivia and I for final say. It’s about 30% my brain child.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Nice.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Anyway. I have to talk to Zoe.” Lupe lies to get away.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Did Juanma and i just talk like normal humans? Was Juanma a normal human? She remembers the bow and shakes her head.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Did you and Juanma fight again?” Zoe asks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Guess she came to find me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No. Why do you ask?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Because he is standing rather aimlessly on the edge of the dance floor. Did you make fun of his dance skills?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“No.” Lupe huffs. “We had a pleasant conversation, made strange only by him bowing.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Boy likes you.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe stares at Zoe like she has a third head.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Come again.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Boy. Likes. You.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“And where did you get that from?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“The bowing, it seems socially awkward. Like he doesn’t know what to do around you? And can there be another reason he’s talking to Mia right now?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe looks and Mia is talking to her enemy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Everyone talks to Mia. Anyway, how can you be a bad dancer as a coordinated basketball player?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Looks like we are about to find out.” Zoe says as Mia leads Juanma to the dance floor.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Hmm. I wonder what mixes Gaspar has for music today.” Lupe says, trying to be unbothered.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Juanma could have another reason to talk to Mia.</span></div>
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<a href="https://youtu.be/IrxKEKaa4ho" style="text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">https://youtu.be/IrxKEKaa4ho</span></a><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe: Juanma isn’t going to get in Tobias’ way, right?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Juanma: It’s not like I’m scared of Lupe. She just wouldn’t want to dance with me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mia: This is weird.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tobias: Mia has such fun.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Olivia: Who doesn’t like a blonde?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Zoe: Not who she was supposed to flirt with.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Simón: Things are getting interesting.</span></div>
Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-79019451749050471992019-10-16T08:10:00.000-07:002019-10-16T08:10:27.057-07:00Pride: Your Way<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-7977e9f3-7fff-94c2-edae-ff9f7bf58b9a" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Chapter 1</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe and Mia had been asked by Ramiro to welcome their new guests the best way they knew how. By dancing. The girls decided Mia was best for showing the individuality of Saint Mary.</span></div>
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<a href="https://youtu.be/z7V78vAi2B8" style="text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-decoration-line: underline; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">https://youtu.be/z7V78vAi2B8</span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What just happened? Was that for real?” Olivia scoffs.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I liked it,” Tobias says watching the dancers group up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Come on. That was sad.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It was passionate.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Passion won’t win nationals,” Juanma comments, frankly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Excuse me,” Lupe asks. “What did you say about my team?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Juanma turns and faces the raven-haired girl head-on.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I said passion won’t win nationals.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“And what would a basketball player like you know about nationals?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Juanma’s face closes off a bit. Ramiro hears the commotion.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’ve been to the competitions. Trust me, that’s not going to win.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’d appreciate it if you dispersed. The girls were welcoming you to the school. Clap and go to class.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“That was rude.” Lupe fumes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It was. But did you see the other guy?” Agus sighs.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“He was cute.” Mia acknowledges.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“He was beyond cute,” Sofi says.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Girls, do you mind grabbing us seats. I want to be in the center of class.” Lupe says.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sofi and Agus walk off.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Mia do you have something to tell me?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mia turns to deny anything but sees the expression on her sister’s face.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Ok, the other guy was cute.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“He’s friends with the person who insulted us.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We don’t know that they are friends per se. And it wasn’t so much an insult as a comment.” Mia cuts herself off because Lupe is about to seethe. “But the cute one said we were passionate. You know how much I want my art to reach people.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe nods. That was Mia’s biggest concern whereas Lupe wanted to win.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Okay. I think you’re too nice but I’ll give the guy a chance to show himself better than his acquaintances.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“That’s all I ask. It’s not like I want you to ask the blond for pointers.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe’s eyes bulge and Mia pulls her forward to class. Then stops abruptly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Mia!” Lupe shrieks as she bumps into her.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Uh, you’ll be able to start forming that opinion now.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe looks around her and sees the “cute one”. She grins and marches right up to him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Where does your friend get off saying that about the Go! team?” </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Uh, hello.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Yes, hello. Tell me.” She crosses her arms.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Well, Juanma is really opinionated. Sometimes he keeps it to himself. Sometimes he doesn’t.” He glances past Lupe at Mia. “I think you guys are good though.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Good? Good is not enough. We are nearly sensational thank you very much.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Okay.” He agrees.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“My name is Mia. The angry one is my sister Lupe.” She says, stepping next to his desk.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Nice to meet you, Mia and Lupe. I’m Tobias.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe hums.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“And your friend, Juanma was it? How close are you two?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Pretty close. We’ve been friends since we were kids.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Same,” Mia says, then laughs. “Not me and Lupe but our Go! team. Most of us have known each other forever.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe sighed internally.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Class.” The teacher calls.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I can’t wait to meet them.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mia smiles.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I hope you can forgive Juanma.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe grimaces.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I would be able to forgive him if he had insulted anything besides my team.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">----- ----- -----</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Juanma, you insulted them,” Tobias says.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Better for them to be insulted at their school than laughed off the national stage.” Juanma comments without looking up from his plate.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Olivia starts laughing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Juanma that’s too much. They wouldn’t get laughed off. They just wouldn’t make it that far.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Well, I think they would be amazing. The lead girl has great stage presence.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Olivia and Juanma look at Tobias.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Okay I might not know much about dancing and singing but I liked it.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oh, they’re exiting the food line. Quick, Tobias do you want the blond or brunette? Y’know got to make sure Juanma doesn’t fall for the wrong girl.” Olivia says with emphasis at the end.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Juanma looks at her disgusted.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“The blond,” Tobias answers with a dopey grin.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Olivia shakes her head at her brother.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Girls, come sit with us.” She waves them over.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mia looks at their friends then Lupe.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“If you want to go ahead,” Lupe says, apathetic.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Lupe, Mia come sit with us.” She repeats.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe is thankful her father hates eye-rolling or else she wouldn’t be able to control herself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“How does she know our names?” Lupe whispers to Sofi and Agus.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Can we sit with them?” Mia asks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Fine. But you’re sitting next to Juanma. I want the “cute one”.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mia looks heartbroken.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“To sit by.” Lupe corrects herself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Are they going to sit or what?” Olivia mutters.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Ciao,” Zoe says, smiling.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Hi,” Mia says sitting between Juanma and Olivia.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Hi.” Tobias returns, smiling.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Across works too, Lupe thinks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“So you’re dancers?” Olivia asks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We are,” Mia answers, cheerfully.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I used to dance. We won nationals when I was a sophomore.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“But Pemberly doesn’t have a team.” Lupe blurts, confused.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“We transferred last year.” Tobias provides.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Oh, I know! I’m going to have a get together this weekend. So we can all get to know each other.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Juanma makes eye contact with Lupe. She narrows her eyes at him and looks away.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Isn’t it a bit early to party?” Lupe asks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I don’t think it is,” Tobias says. “What about you, Mia? Feel like a party?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Always.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And we’re lost, Lupe thinks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">----- ----- -----</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lupe: Tobias is not so bad. Juanma is to be ignored. But does Go! Need something?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Juanma: Can the teachers announce their decision about Basketball yet?... Lupe has nice eyes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mia: I hope Lupe like Tobias.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tobias: Mia</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Zoe: They are all overreacting.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Simón: Everyone is so cute!</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Olivia: Will Juanma dance with me?</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sofi: where are the cutest basketball players?</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Agus: Whatever Sofi is thinking.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Martín: Go! Costumes are much more important than Pemberly gang.</span></div>
Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-18479059670131104652019-10-13T17:27:00.001-07:002019-10-13T17:28:22.256-07:00Pride: Your Way<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">It’s a truth universally acknowledged that a dancer with music will perform.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6a33a54d-7fff-0592-7641-8f7853418ab9" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Lupe and Mia looked at each other.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“Ready to start the year?” Lupe asked.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“With you by my side. Always.” Mia smiled back.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The team started practices following their co-captain sisters.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">----- ----- -----</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Aunt Isabel was giving her closing statements for the workshop when Simon yelped.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“What?” Zoe hissed, embarrassed.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“Pemberly Academia is coming to St. Mary”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“Wait, wait, wait Like the school with the all-star basketball team?” Sofi shrieks.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“Which was founded by designer Paco Jamandreu?” Martín asks from the corner.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“Class dismissed.” Aunt Isabel comments before walking out.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“Yes. Yes to all that.” Simon says, looking at his phone.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“What for?” Lupe asks.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“They--- they had some last-minute refurbishing that requires their students to be dispersed amongst local boarding schools.” Simon gasps out.</span></div>
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<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“Breath, Simon. So some super talented athletes are coming to our school. So what?” Zoe rolls her eyes.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“So our school will be on the news. Possibly more than once.” Lupe says, grinning.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“Let’s talk to Dad,” Mia replies.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">----- ----- -----</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“Yes, some of the Pemberly school is joining us,” Ramiro says, looking at the two girls sitting across from him in his office.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">His two girls who couldn’t look less alike any more than they act alike.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“Dad, we’re going to need more information,” Lupe demands.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">He folds his hands together.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“How long are they staying?” Mia suggests.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“A semester.”</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“Are they playing for us or them?” Lupe wonders.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“That hasn’t been decided yet. The team may end up being split up.”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“Why are they remodeling when school is coming back?” Mia asks, curious.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“Girls, I’ve given you as much information as I can. Shouldn’t you be focused on settling in for the semester?”</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">“Yes, dad. Thanks again for letting us room next to each other.” Lupe says, kissing her father.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The girls leave. Lupe looks at Mia. Mia is confused about why Lupe has a suspicious expression.</span></div>
Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-70449947310799597812019-10-05T08:39:00.000-07:002019-10-05T08:39:30.648-07:00Nostalgic<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Oh, how I long</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">For days of long ago</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">How I wish</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">We could go back</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-25fdbc9b-7fff-fd6a-4ed5-8a0cae0d565a" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">I wish we lived</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">In the days</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Of yesteryear</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">How great that would be</span></div>
Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-38763128357043822532019-09-30T21:43:00.001-07:002019-10-01T01:12:55.181-07:00Almost<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">2 songs in one post.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
Almost love by Jessica Jarrel</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
I discovered this song about 6 months into an intense friendship. It was perfect because I, too, was Almost (in) Love.
<b><i>Race home, open the door, run upstairs,
Throw my bag on the floor, log on, two seconds later,
I get a message from you saying 'hey baby'
Been going crazy thinking bout you all day,
So much to tell you, boy I feel the same way,</i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
All-day, I would be sneaking small moments to update him. On what? I don’t even know now.
<b><i>Can't wait to see you, just you
And I cause every night I've been thinking what it would be like.
I get a rush,
More than a crush,</i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i>Almost love,
Makes me feel high,
Every time I think about us.
Even though we talk every day I still can't get enough,
I'm out of pulse, getting kinda close, almost love.</i></b>
It was more than a crush, right? Singing in the shower, talking without filters, being considerate of each other. It’s almost love.
<b><i>I'm 5'6 your 5'10, 14, 15, talk twenty four-seven,
34, 24, 36, talk twenty four seven,
For-ever, l-o-l, you and I, talk twenty four-seven,
G-2-g, x-o-x-o, uh, uh, uh, twenty four seven
3-2-3-2-1-5-12-7-8, 24/7
Give you my number,
You call, we were both nervous,
Said nothing at all,
I was breathless, you were speechless,
Said it good to finally hear your voice,
Started talking, kinda random,
Said you were a shy boy, for such a fly boy,
You said it's you that makes me feel that way,
I'm like sometimes even I don't know what to say</i></b>
I remember the feeling of phone calls. Not knowing if we’d ever hang up. Knowing we were talking about nothing and anything. I hate phone calls but not with you.
<b><i>I get a rush, more than a crush, almost love,
Makes me feel high,
Every time I think about us.
Even though we talk every day I still can't get enough,
I'm not opposed,
Getting kinda close, almost love.
I'm 5'6 your 5'10, 14, 15, talk twenty four-seven,
34, 24, 36, talk twenty four -seven,
For-ever, l-o-l, you and I, talk twenty four-seven,
G-2-g, x-o-x-o, uh, uh, uh, twenty four-seven
3-2-3-2-1-5-12-7-8, 24/7</i></b>
Honestly has nothing to do with him anymore. Just a <b><i>really</i></b> great fun song. Like it’s made for an eternally 13, 14-year-old young woman. Also have they never met, because weird!
<b><i>How I wish you were here now,
How I, how I, how I, how I wish you were here,
How I wish you were here now, b-b-b-boy, b-b-b-boy,
Boy, boy, boy how I wish you were here now,
Boy, boy, boy, wish you were here now.
I get a rush,
More than a crush, almost love,
Makes me feel high, every time I think about us.
Even though we talk every day I still can't get enough,
I'm not opposed, getting kinda close, almost love.
I'm 5'6 your 5'10, 14, 15, talk twenty four - seven,
34, 24, 36, talk twenty four-seven,
For-ever, l-o-l, you and I, talk twenty four-seven,
G-2-g, x-o-x-o uh, uh, uh, twenty four-seven.
3-2-3-2-1-5-12-7-8, 24/7</i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">----- -----</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
Almost by Tamia
<b><i>Can you tell me, how can one miss what she's never had?
How could I reminisce when there is not past?
How could I have memories of being happy with you, boy?
Can someone tell me how can this be?
</i></b>
Is there anyone who can answer this? Reminiscing when there’s little history should be real short. Instead, I can get lost in it.
<b><i>How could my mind pull up incidents
Recall dates and times that never happened?</i></b>
Because I put stock in moments that just existed for you. You didn’t notice them yet they are imprinted on my heart.
<b><i>How could we celebrate love that's too late
And how could I really mean the words I'm about to say?
I miss the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we used to kiss
At least in my dreams just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happen to us, we were almost there</i></b>
Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades? No, almost counts in matters of love too.
<b><i>Who ever said it's impossible to miss
What you never had, never almost had you</i></b>
Were we almost there? Or was I there alone? If your interest even half matched mine, it wouldn’t be an almost.
<b><i>I cannot believe I let you go or what I should say is
I should have grabbed you up and never let you go
I should have went out with you, I should have made you my boo, boy
Yeah, that is one time I should have broke the rules</i></b>
Last time I played by the rules. I answered the questions honestly and stuck to societal plans. I didn’t try because I didn’t want to be hurt. This time was bigger. I did break the rules. And I was shown why the rules are in place.
Now it’s too late for either time.
The rest of the song is just Tamia’s perfect voice and those low notes from the featured artist.
<b><i>Should have went on the date, should have found a way to escape
Should have turned almost into if it happen, now it's too late
How could I celebrate a love that wasn't real?
And if it didn't happen, why does my heart feel?
I miss the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we used to kiss
At least in my dreams just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happen to us, we were almost there
Who ever said it's impossible to miss
What you never had, never almost had you
You seem to be the perfect one for me
You, you're all I ever wanted
You're my everything, yes it's true
Boy, it's hard to be close to you
My love, boy, it may sound crazy
But I'm in love with you
I miss the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we used to kiss
At least in my dreams just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happen to us, we were almost there
Who ever said it's impossible to miss
What you never had, never almost had you
I miss the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we used to kiss
At least in my dreams just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happen to us, we were almost there
Who ever said it's impossible to miss
What you never had, never almost had you, baby</i></b></span></span></div>
Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-7165098684757069802019-09-22T21:54:00.001-07:002019-09-22T22:15:52.732-07:00Poem to MePlease forgive me<br />
I've been so broken<br />
Please forgive me<br />
For the words I've spoken<br />
<br />
I don't know how<br />
To prevent your cry<br />
I don't know how<br />
To not live a liePurple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-67729742692205547942019-09-15T20:55:00.000-07:002019-09-15T20:55:58.829-07:00Jaded: Chapter 13<br />
Chapter 13<br />
<br />
"Okay. What happened?" Allison asks sitting down.<br />
<br />
"Nothing." I say, looking at my food.<br />
<br />
"Don't give me that. I didn’t watch you two make eyes at each other for 3 periods to get nothing."<br />
<br />
I look at Finn and he smiles.<br />
<br />
"Make eyes. You'd think she was a grandma." He mutters.<br />
<br />
"My hearing is still good you know. Lizzie, I know what happened. Just say it."<br />
<br />
"Fine. We're dating. Nosy."<br />
<br />
"Yes!" Allison exclaims, pumping her fist.<br />
<br />
"What are you so excited about?" Chloe asks, joining us.<br />
<br />
"They're dating. I told you they wouldn't last 5 weeks."<br />
<br />
Finn and I look at each other.<br />
<br />
"There was a bet?" He asks.<br />
<br />
"No. A bet implies there was a pool of money depending on the outcome. It was just an discussion."<br />
<br />
"Because that's okay." I sigh. "Guys, could you keep it quiet though? We don't need everyone finding out."<br />
<br />
"Finding out what?" Allison asks. "Everyone already considers you two together. You just had to get the memo."<br />
<br />
"Everyone here might known. But we'll keep it from getting to the public." Chloe says. "Finn's one of us."<br />
<br />
"I'm not sure if that's a good thing." He says.<br />
<br />
"You know you're happy to be the first guy ever to say he goes to Alden for Girls." Allison replies.<br />
<br />
"If you say so. It's almost time for class."<br />
<br />
He picks up our stuff and helps me up.<br />
<br />
"What happened to your bags, Lizzie?" Chloe asks.<br />
<br />
"I decided not to read my textbooks at school."<br />
<br />
"But you should still have one bag. What about the books you need for class?"<br />
<br />
"I've got them." Finn says.<br />
<br />
I sigh.<br />
<br />
"Eliza, are you worried about this afternoon?"<br />
<br />
"I'm fine. Just a little tired."<br />
<br />
Finn looks at me.<br />
<br />
"I'll tell you if it's anything worse, okay?"<br />
<br />
"Okay." He whispers back.<br />
<br />
"Are you guys sharing books?" Chloe asks.<br />
<br />
"It makes sense. We sit next to each other in all our classes. Plus, Eliza's already read them."<br />
<br />
"They're sharing books, Allison."<br />
<br />
"I knew it would be like this. They're all cutesy and in the newlywed phase. They'll forget all about us."<br />
<br />
"Never." I say, smiling at them.<br />
<br />
"I have." Finn states.<br />
<br />
And we all laugh.<br />
----- ----- -----<br />
<br />
My new doctor was surprised Dr. Lillian let me travel. I told him the condition doesn't limit my flight. But he doesn't think the distance from medical attention is good for me. He'll be making biweekly visits to make sure my migraines don't get worse. It's a little scary.<br />
<br />
----- ----- -----<br />
<br />
"So what's new?" Belle asks as we sit down to dinner.<br />
<br />
"Lizzie and Finn are dating!" Jenn says.<br />
<br />
"Everyone knows Jenn. I don't have any news since Saturday." I say looking around the table.<br />
<br />
"Jenn, how are you doing?" Caleb asks.<br />
<br />
"I'm great. Mr. Lawrence asked me to give a sample presentation in class. Which is really cool because he must think I'm really smart."<br />
<br />
"You are really smart." Belle says.<br />
<br />
Jenn blushes.<br />
<br />
"How is ______ Lawrence?" Delilah asks, glancing at Belle.<br />
<br />
"He's good." I answer. "He's a motivating teacher."<br />
<br />
"Hmm, we should have a coed event for Alden Academies soon."<br />
<br />
"Delilah, stop looking at me. You're not subtle. And just because you haven't seen the teachers lately doesn't mean I haven't."<br />
<br />
"So you admit there's something on?"<br />
<br />
Jenn and I look at each other.<br />
<br />
"Mr. Lawrence?" I mouth.<br />
<br />
"Wait, between Mr. Lawrence and Belle?" Jenn asks aloud.<br />
<br />
"Yes. Delilah's convinced there was a mutual connection when he started teaching." Arthur says.<br />
<br />
"No." She says. "He was interested in high school too. It was always Belle that, Belle this."<br />
<br />
"Weird." I say.<br />
<br />
Belle looks at me.<br />
<br />
"No. I understand him being interested in you. It's just hard to picture since he's my teacher."<br />
<br />
"He respected her." Caleb says. "And that's that."<br />
<br />
"Thank you, Caleb." Belle says, still looking at me.<br />
<br />
"Let's move on." Arthur says. "Lizzie, would you be willing to join a meeting with the foundation this week? We could set it up for Friday after you get out of school."<br />
<br />
"Um, sure. What's it for?" I ask.<br />
<br />
"Well we all have our different charities and events. You can set one up as the Peyton ward."<br />
<br />
"We'll all be there for you." Caleb says.<br />
<br />
"I'll do it. We don't have school Friday though. We can set up a morning meeting so everyone still gets out on time."<br />
<br />
"Everyone would get out on time anyway." Belle says. "But it's good that you think of the staff."<br />
<br />
I feel like I'm being groomed for something.<br />
----- ----- -----<br />
<br />
"Elizabeth Gent born to Zara and Luke Gent has no results." The older woman says.<br />
<br />
"In the entirety of Massachusetts?" I ask.<br />
<br />
"No, dear. There's are no Elizabeth Gents born in Massachusetts. Do you have any other information, like mother's maiden name or anything?"<br />
<br />
"My mom's maiden name was Zara Mills."<br />
<br />
"She has the same maiden name as the Simms mother." The woman observes, typing.<br />
<br />
"Yes. But no relation."<br />
<br />
"Here's a Beth Mills born to Zara Mills in 1998 in Hyannis. How's that dear?"<br />
<br />
"No. I was born in 1997 in Plymouth."<br />
<br />
"Didn't realize there were so many Zaras in that time." She says.<br />
<br />
That's an odd thing to say.<br />
<br />
"Thank you, ma'am."<br />
<br />
"You're the Peyton ward, correct?"<br />
<br />
"Yes." I say.<br />
<br />
"It's nice to see an orphan with so much influence. Use it well."<br />
<br />
"Thanks, ma'am. I'll try." I wave and walk out of the research library.<br />
<br />
"How did it go?" Finn asks as I get in the car.<br />
<br />
"One second." I say, leaning back and closing my eyes.<br />
<br />
Finn takes my hand. I open my eyes and smile weakly.<br />
<br />
"Nothing. No Elizabeth Gents in Massachusetts, ever. I wasn't born here."<br />
<br />
"Yes, you were Eliza. But you remember Massachusetts as a home state."<br />
<br />
"But that's the problem. I don't remember anything about it. I've called it home for so long. But it's not. I have no documentation to support an idea a blocked brain provided."<br />
<br />
"Don't call your brain blocked. It's just not telling you everything. You might not be in the system or you might not be under the right name."<br />
<br />
"There was a Beth Mills born to Zara Mills. But it was the wrong year and town."<br />
<br />
"Your mom's name was Zara?"<br />
<br />
"Yeah."<br />
<br />
"I didn't know that. Tell me about her."<br />
<br />
"I know you're just distracting me."<br />
<br />
"I want to know." He says, squeezing my hand. "If it helps you relax to so be it."<br />
<br />
""<br />
<br />
I tell him aboout how she would pick me up from school and take me exploring. She'd tell me about history and science. She made sure I was always learning and growing with her. I tell him the few stories I remember of my dad.<br />
<br />
"Where are we going?" I ask, suddenly.<br />
<br />
"I was hoping you wouldn't notice until we were on the boat."<br />
<br />
"You want me to be more observant and then say things like that. Are we going back to that small island?"<br />
<br />
"Yeah. You seemed to like it before."<br />
<br />
"I did. Thank you." I clam back up.<br />
<br />
Finn parks. We buy the tickets and rush to the next ferry. I write and Finn listens to music.<br />
<br />
"Eliza." Finn pokes me. "We're departing."<br />
<br />
We follow the few people off the boat. Finn lifts me down again and smiles at me.<br />
<br />
"I'm having deja vu."<br />
<br />
"But you have been here before."<br />
<br />
"It's more than that. It feels like I'm doing an old habit."<br />
<br />
"Well you said you'd explore with your parents on the weekend, right?" I nod. "Maybe you'd come here."<br />
<br />
"Maybe."<br />
<br />
We walk to the shop again. And I stop in front of the painting from last time.<br />
<br />
"Oh my goodness." An 80 year old man says, coming up. "You've come back."<br />
<br />
He hugs me and I freeze.<br />
<br />
"And the little boy." He says, letting go and hugging Finn.<br />
<br />
Finn looks at me and I shrug back.<br />
<br />
"It's been years. You two are so much bigger now. You went from children." He points to the painting. "To young adults. I guess, I'm not so young either."<br />
<br />
"I'm sorry. I'm not sure we've met." Finn says.<br />
<br />
"Of course we have. You're named after some sort of animal. And this young lady has the prettiest smile. It makes all your pain go away." He whispers to Finn.<br />
<br />
"My name is Elizabeth Gent." I say, holding out my hand.<br />
<br />
"There's the smile!" He shouts.<br />
<br />
A young woman comes up.<br />
<br />
"Grandpa. Let's go on a walk."<br />
<br />
"Perfect blend of her father and mother." He says following his granddaughter. "With their tragedy, it's nice to see."<br />
<br />
I start to follow them. A woman comes into my path.<br />
<br />
"I'm sorry about my father. He gets very confused. He's still looking for the little girl in his painting."<br />
<br />
"He painted this?"<br />
<br />
"Yes. You have her hair color and he must have ran with it. I apologize. Enjoy ______." She says, following her family out.<br />
<br />
I gasp and close my eyes.<br />
<br />
"Another migraine?" Finn asks.<br />
<br />
"No. It was just a sharp pain. It's gone."<br />
<br />
"Time to go."<br />
<br />
"But the older man…"<br />
<br />
"I don't think his daughter wants us talking to him. We'll try next week."<br />
<br />
I look at Finn.<br />
<br />
"No. You need to take your time. The mystery won't unravel any faster if you're in bed in pain."<br />
<br />
"Fine. Next week."<br />
<br />
We walk back to the dock. We sit and watch the ocean.<br />
<br />
"So what were you writing on our way over?" Finn asks.<br />
<br />
I hand him my notebook. And he reads silently.<br />
<br />
Fatherless boys<br />
And motherless girls<br />
They all unite<br />
Living the tale<br />
<br />
Don’t know what it means<br />
Or remember too well<br />
Being a member<br />
Forming a family<br />
<br />
People pity them<br />
Sigh when they hear<br />
What their history is<br />
What their life has been<br />
<br />
Fatherless boys<br />
And motherless girls<br />
To them I relate<br />
And with them as well<br />
<br />
I hate the word orphan<br />
<br />
"What happened?" Finn asks, handing me my notebook back.<br />
<br />
"In addition to telling me I wasn't born here, the research lady told me to do a good job as the Peyton ward. I'm an orphan with a lot of power. I know I'm an orphan. I wake up every morning knowing I don't have what other people do. But that's not all I am. I don't want to be known as the SOS with power. I want to be Elizabeth Gent, the girl who did what she could. One word doesn't define me."<br />
<br />
Finn sighs and hugs me.<br />
<br />
"You're so much more than your circumstances. I wish people could see past it. You have the potential to be the girl who changed the world. I'm sorry you have to hear that from everyone."Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-6177301590845407722019-09-09T00:27:00.005-07:002019-09-15T20:56:57.302-07:00Thunder by Boys like Girls<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">On the whole when
I hear this song, I picture my eighth-grade culmination party. I had just been
gifted an iPod touch by my family. Everyone pitched in, even underage siblings.
I downloaded this video before we left. And I walked around my party, listening
to it and waiting. Waiting for the current love of my life, my thunder to show
up. And he never showed!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">But in a decade,
it’s so much more than that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><b style="font-style: italic;">Today is a
</b><b>winding road</b><br /><b style="font-style: italic;">
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, woah</b></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Life never goes as
I want. Walking down a street I don’t want to be on. On a day I don’t want to
be upright, to live. To live a life, I don’t want to exist.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><i>Today in the
blink of an eye</i><br /><i>
I'm </i>holding on<i> to something and I do not know why I tried</i></span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><br />
<br />
Why did I try this time? Why did I try last night? Why <b>didn’t</b> I try when it
mattered?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><i>I tried to
read between the lines</i><br /><i>
I tried to look in your eyes</i><br />
I want a simple explanation; what I’m feeling inside<br /><i>
I gotta find a way out</i></span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Maybe
there's a way out</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">I’m <b>always</b> looking
for a way out. Looking for a way out of relationships with others. Looking for
a way of out a relationship with myself. Looking for a <b>way out</b> of life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Your voice
was the soundtrack of my summer</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Do you know
you're unlike any other?</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">You'll
always be my thunder, and I said</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Your eyes
are the brightest of all the colors</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">I don't
wanna ever love another</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">You'll
always be my thunder</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">So bring on
the rain</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">And bring on
the thunder</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">That summer before
eighth grade, my love’s eyes were the “brightest of any color”. In my memories,
they still are.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Today is a
winding road</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Tell me
where to start and tell me something I don't know</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Today I'm on
my own</span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><i>I </i>can't<i> move
a muscle and I </i>can't<i> pick up the phone, </i>I don't know</span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Is there a better
lyrical representation of depression?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">And now I'm
itching<i> for the tall grass</i></span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><i>And </i>longing
for the breeze</span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><i>I need to
step outside, </i>just to see if<i> I can breathe</i></span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">I gotta find
a way out</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Maybe
there’s a way out</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">I just want to
feel again. I’ve been struggling to breathe since I was three. But the times
that I’ve been able to, make me <b>able</b> to push on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><b>Your voice
was the soundtrack of my summer</b></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Do you know
you're unlike any other?</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">You'll
always be my thunder, and I said</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Your eyes
are the brightest of all the colors</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">I don't
wanna ever love another</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">You'll
always be my thunder</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><b>So bring on
the rain</b></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">And bring on
the thunder </span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">My first nanny
charge was the highlight of my summer. He gave it sound <b>and</b> he gave it color.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Yeah I'm
walking on a tightrope</span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">I'm wrapped
up in vines</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><i>I think </i>I'll
make it out but you just gotta give me time</span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Strike me
down with lightning</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Let me feel
you in my veins</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><i>I wanna let
you know </i>how much I feel your pain</span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">No matter what,
I’ll always make it out. For 3 year old me. For my 3 year old. For Blue, Emerald, Indigo, Grey. For aunt. For my mom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">I rarely acknowledge it but I feel your pain. I'll try to <b>valid</b> it more.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Today is a
winding road</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">That's
taking me to places that I didn't want to go, woah</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Your voice
was the soundtrack of my summer</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Do you know
you're unlike any other?</span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">You'll
always be my thunder, and I said</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Your eyes
are the brightest of all the colors</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">I don't wanna
ever love another</span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">You'll
always be my thunder</span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Spring was just
another time to me. In between my least favorite seasons, winter and summer.
Basically my <b>favorite</b> for not being the fall I was born into, winter I lost my
mom, or summer I lost my dreams. One spring gave <b>such meaning</b> that I fell back
in love with <b>summer</b>. And this new love is <b>greater</b> than the love I felt before eighth-grade summer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Your voice
was the soundtrack of my summer</span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">Do you know
you're unlike any other?</span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">You'll
always be my thunder</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">So bring on
the rain</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">And listen
to the thunder</span></b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , serif;">His voice powers
the thunder of my heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-974411076671874748.post-57222532005121543272019-09-07T19:55:00.002-07:002019-09-07T19:55:26.373-07:00Monster<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
T’was a monster only my sword could slay, none others it
respected.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe the monster mustn’t be slayed but instead simply
tamed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe the monster is to be controlled not just destroyed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
T’was a monster only I can tame.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
T’was a monster only my cage can hold.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am but a persistent and brave monster tamer.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am but a dedicated scholar of the monster that no longer
surprises me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A monster roams inside assigned to me because I alone can
handle it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A monster roams inside assigned to me because I speak its
language.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I simply spoke to the monster.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It quieted when it understood I wouldn’t accept any other
way.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It hushed when it understood I would not tolerate a rampage.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The monster finally silenced when it understood I would keep
fighting.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And somehow the stillness was worse than the rage.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Purple Owlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04343052854221421941noreply@blogger.com0